xeni at April 25th, 2014 14:22 — #1
professor59 at April 25th, 2014 14:48 — #2
Wouldn't start in Chrome. Had to open it in Firefox. Just in case you thought you were directed to a white noise machine...
mister44 at April 25th, 2014 14:49 — #3
I got 4:49 - does it go longer than that?
skeptic at April 25th, 2014 15:00 — #4
I would be more immersive if it didn't freeze up buffering on me...
...the internet still has a way to go.
mister44 at April 25th, 2014 15:01 — #5
Try living in a civilized area.
skeptic at April 25th, 2014 16:05 — #6
I can't. I'm stuck living in the US.
newliminted at April 25th, 2014 16:07 — #7
mister44 at April 25th, 2014 16:10 — #8
Canada's borders are pretty lax.
wrecksdart at April 25th, 2014 17:16 — #9
Is it wrong if I keep going back to drown? And hey, besides that, What The Everlasting Fuck, Charles? Could you POSSIBLY BE ANY MORE USELESS?!?
jvilhuber at April 25th, 2014 17:39 — #10
I got 5 minutes. Exactly. Wonder if that's the max.
dustin_driver at April 25th, 2014 17:55 — #11
I have a feeling that Charles was having an affair with guy's wife. Which is why he just sailed away after guy went overboard.
skeptic at April 25th, 2014 18:25 — #12
And why Charles steered the boat to cause the boom to "accidentally" swing out...
jardine at April 25th, 2014 18:59 — #13
I got 5:02.
A few wtf things that I'll put in a spoiler tag.
That guy is the worst fucking swimmer. Was he wearing lead pants or something? And wtf was with the fingernail ripping off? My scrolling finger didn't get tired, but I did get tired of buffering. I'm glad his best friend banged his wife and murdered him. Learn to float asshole.
melted_crayons at April 25th, 2014 19:13 — #14
Worked in Chrome for me. Was annoyed that I could not pause it. Found it disturbing and wish I had some kind of heads up before clicking the link, which might have made it less/not disturbing.
rob_bray at April 25th, 2014 20:06 — #15
Darwin Award winner? Go out to sea in near zero temperatures wearing lead pants in a small boat captained by an incompetent sailor who's wife you've been banging, while not know how to swim. Thankyou for removing yourself from the gene-pool there buddy.
(And I don't think a lifejacket is going to protect you from onychomadesis in any case.)
vadym_zakrevsky at April 26th, 2014 02:45 — #16
As some posters noted, this dude appears to be bad at swimming, boating, preparedness and common sense.
I managed about 5:03 on my 3rd try. I think I could do better if I let my toon take his pants off, which he was apparently trying to do, but I didn't allow due to my madly-incessant up-scrolling..
I am not a boater, or a swimmer. My mortal body has never entered water more than 10ft deep. However, even from the plane of my ignorance, I could spot some ways to stay alive not explicitly mentioned in this ad:
1) Float: Conserve your energy, turn on your back, spread out your limbs and relax. salt water is usually enough to keep you afloat.
2) Get rid of clothing: Boots, pants, coats, shirts, jackets, etc. got to come off. they just weigh you down. Even if the water is freezing, in the long run you're better off naked on the surface than clothed on the ocean floor.
3) Keep you core temp up: If you feel like you are freezing, start swashing your legs and arms. It should make floating easier and warm you up at the same time.
4) Stay awake: If you feel like you are about to fall asleep, take a deep dive under water and come back. It will wake you up. Chances are: You are not falling asleep; you are loosing your conciseness because your brain lacks nutrients or oxygen to stay awake or you are just too tired. Either way, a nice dip under water should get the juices going, that is, if you have any left.
5) Stay calm: This should have been #1. Your brain has to assume the coolness of a cucumber (or place your cultural coolness epitome here). This is true for all life situations though.
6) Finally: Check if you are in a swimming pool. If so, get your ass out of the swimming pool and sober up.
Still, even if you are doing everything right to survive, and you are in peak physical condition, without a life vest you have only hours until you drown. Wear a life vest or don't count on your body being found at all... maybe like parts of it inside your shoes on occasion on a beach somewhere currents flow close to.
Having a raft or a boat or any kind of flotation device will enable you to survive until you dehydrate or starve to death. Collecting rainwater and eating local animals are the only way I see to survive for more than a week. This may do you good if your rescue party zeroes in on your crash site after a few weeks of searching elsewhere. Otherwise, your best bet is finding an island where you can score some fresh food and water. And perhaps a payphone.
Either way, the only way to stay perfectly safe is to buckle up to your couch, grab a bag of chips and a huge bottle of soda. Now you are not in any danger. Enjoy!
westcarleton at April 26th, 2014 06:40 — #17
Well, unless you're eleven feet tall, ten feet is plenty deep enough. But I'm going to stick a motor on my scroll wheel so my finger doesn't get tired.
monkey76wolf at April 26th, 2014 08:54 — #18
I am on laptop. could not scroll. could not be bothered to attatch mouse. i was wearing life jacket though.
cyga74 at April 26th, 2014 11:32 — #19
Ummmm. Trigger alert please. Near-drowning is a seriously traumatic event. Looking forward to tonight's nightmares.
brian_boyko at April 26th, 2014 18:10 — #20
Xeni, I gotta say, you said: "Don't Google it first." So I didn't. And I just... that was a HORRIBLE experience.
I expected something cool, or trippy, not scary or shitty.
Plus, as others have said, the guy does everything wrong, including going out to sea without a lifevest, and it doesn't matter anyway because you can't win.
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