I would expect that not to stand up in court.
If it could stand up, he wouldnât need the cr-- ooh, I canât say it!
Why not? Heâs an upright citizen.
Itâs always fun to see cops use excuses they wouldnât accept from suspects. But, thanks to high court / low court. heâll never get prosecuted for possession of the cocaine laced dick cream, which, presumably, he turned over as evidence to get out of his firing⌠:-p
gahd!
so close to awesome
Itâs supposed to be an âupstanding member of societyâ 
Castro strikes again?
I suspect that it wonât have to. First-line drug tests arenâtâŚalways exemplars of laboratory practice and chemical precisionâŚso unless you were atypically motivated to nail the guy, or using one of the nice ones(which could get very expensive for a routine sampling program), you donât really have much incentive to drag it in front of hostile expert witnesses just to secure a termination, not even a possession charge.
Again barring a specific vendetta, theyâll probably figure (rightly) that being the butt of every joke at the station forever will motivate the guy to at least cheat competently next time, if not actually reform, and quietly drop the matter.
cocaine had been âunwittingly absorbed into his blood through an erection-enhancing cream he applied to his genitals.â
Man, I HATE when that happens.
All very true⌠but I think our friend was just making a dick joke 
He really needed one of these guys:
Substance abuse is forgivable. Insulting human intelligence with a cocaine boner cream excuse is not.
Better idea: Stop drug testing people and judge them on the degree to which they carry out their professional duties in an ethical and societally responsible manner.
Instead of setting people up in a way that lets observers scream âhypocrite!â, change the law to reflect the real values of society.
Firing people is difficult both legally and socially without a nice well documented cause, in the minimum wage category drug testing is a way to get a probable fire on someone you want gone with the bonus of punishing them by withholding unemployment that they have paid into, even though they only had used outside of work. It is how small people bully smaller people.
Also the above comment about two legal systems, I think there are three, one for the enforcer criminals, one for the wealthy criminals who get off but fund police benevolent associations and judicial, executive, and legislative election campaigns, and one for the normal criminals who provide a large pool of suspects when required but do not directly give to the police benevolent association. The enforcer and wealthy criminal classes get to make excuses and mitigating circumstances are well weighed.
Police carry live firearms. Theyâre largely shielded from violence they perpetrate while wearing uniform. We canât tolerate uniformed, armed police taking proscribed stimulant drugs. Itâs a public safety issue and a liability.
I agree with not ruining peoples lives over drugs, but actually if they want positions of responsibility - e.g. carrying weapons on behalf of the state, they need to act responsibly - put him on a desk job for a while until he passes three drugs screens and the message gets through.
People involved in the âjusticeâ system must be held to the highest standards.
Is nobody going to address the sheer ridiculousness of his claim in the first place?
Viagra works by being a vasodilator, whereas cocaine is a vasoconstrictor as well as being a numbing agent. Exactly what you wouldnât want in a âerection enhancing creamâ⌠that is unless you wanted something to help numb the area because of an inability to endure sufficient contact (which I guess would qualify as a âsexual aid creamâ).
Why do you think people were mocking it with so many dick jokes?
Thatâs not actually a terribly ridiculous claim, depending on the test used. Benzocaine is readily available over the counter for topical use(usually dental; but it looks like they have âendurance enhancementâ products based on it as well) and it is a not-too-distant relative of cocaine, although of no recreational value.
If the test he is contesting is actually good enough to distinguish cocaine from its assorted tame derivatives, then his assertion is much dodgier (if anything, people are going to be adulterating cocaine with benzocaine and friends, not the reverse, since the latter is cheap and legal and the former is not).
If we tell the cops that they canât have coffee, theyâll overthrow democracy in a heartbeat.
Iâm assuming his colleagues will rip the absolute piss out of him when he returns to duty.
now i understand the market for this productâŚ
