Wow…excellent satire…sad that this is more true than funny 
On their good days, that’s exactly what makes The Onion what it is: Stuff that is funny; but sufficiently indistinguishable from reality as executed with a straight face that the funny is really, really depressing.
I think if I was a black teen in Missouri, I would lay down spread-eagled every time I saw a cop. Hopefully if every kid did this, it would make a non-violent point.
Naah, they’d get arrested for loitering or blocking traffice and get the shit kicked out of them anyway.
(sadly, not sarcastic here)
The Onion gives some bad advice there:
Explain in clear and logical terms that you do not enjoy being shot, and would prefer that it not happen.
I think the police consider this “interfering with police business” or possibly “resisting arrest.” They don’t take kindly with being told what (not) to do, even (especially) in the form of a logical argument.
Michael Moore had a bunch of tips back in 2000.
That’s brilliant. Seeing everyone walking with their hands up certainly presages Ferguson.
“Shy away from dangerous, heavily policed areas.”
No shit. The police are becoming more dangerous than any gang.
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