I'm a fungus. With an internet connection(it's a research thing, we are working on running mycorrhizal networks over IP). You are probably already familiar with my colleagues, as our hyphae are woven through the fabric of your recorded history, along with the minor matter of our responsibility for the survival of the overwhelming majority of Earth's plant species.
My day job mostly revolves around maintaining the decay side of the carbon cycle and sustaining agricultural civilization's insatiable demand for enough bread to sustain life and enough ethanol to endure it. In my free time I enjoy craft beer, parasitic mind control, and the cyberpunk applications of mycotoxins.