I’m very sorry. It’s worse than having a friend murdered, or die in a stupid accident.
I don’t really know if my advice is any good. It’s based on me doing it wrong, and things getting even worse.
Don’t let the people who were closest to your friend isolate themselves. If they say crazy things from despair or unfocused rage don’t let them drive you away, pull them in closer, even if they kick back at you, even if they scream for you to go away. If somebody wants to talk about the conversations they’ve been having with their dead wife every night, it’ll be hard to take, but don’t turn away or sit there shocked silent. Speak up in the pauses, tell them to keep talking, and cry if you need to. Hold them if they’ll let you. If you’re that person, going nuts from grief and despair, try to remember that nobody else knows what to do or how to make anything any better and a lot of them are completely paralyzed by emotion. Tell them what you need, take what they can give. Some of the people who love you the most are going to be completely incapable of speaking in your presence, help them talk if you can, forgive them if you can. Stay away from weapons entirely, and alcohol as much as possible, and don’t try to do hand/eye type things when you’re periodically emotionally overwhelmed. Pull the car over, shut off the chainsaw, put down the knitting. Walk outside instead, into a garden or woods if you can. Pray or meditate if that’s something that you do, but do it someplace alive, like a garden or a church, not a sterile office or empty house.
