While most pronounced between genders, this is also reflected in the wider way in which most of Western society exchanges gifts. There’s often an expectation of something for a gift, or at the very least it’s intended to send a signal to reinforce the relationship, whether an intended lover or a family member or even say a boss.
Rarely, in my experience, are gifts given simply for the joy of giving. In fact, the only occasions where I think gifts are routinely given wholly unselfishly are when they are given by parents to their children, and even then it’s often also a signal to others of the ability to provide luxuries for one’s family. At its worst, parents might use gifts to buy forgiveness for their own perceived inadequacies as parents, or to curry loyalty from children when custody is shared with a separated spouse. Basically, Westerns be acting selfish all over the place.
As the spouse of a translator, I’m also mindful of the language gap which may be losing something in translation. I wonder if the people who see this as slavery would still see it that way if the English-language media called it a dowry instead of buying a wife. English is not the Romani language.
Just to reiterate what I said earlier, I do think dowries and arranged marriages are sexist. But a lot of the poverty and insularity of Romani culture survives because they’re discriminated against in countries that see them as interlopers despite having lived in many of them for longer than America has even been a country. So sneering at their traditions won’t help the young Romani who want to change those traditions. Access to better education to lift the Romani out of poverty will give more agency and power to them and their children will gain more sense of self-determination to break from or hold with tradition because traditions will no longer be a matter of survival.
I get that you’re reacting to the colonialist tone of calling arranged marriages slavery, and I basically agree with objection to that tone. But respectfully, consent when options are limited is not the same as consent when there are viable alternatives. As you yourself point out, America’s working poor routinely endure treatment that they shouldn’t have to because they have no real alternatives. Few in America are as poor as most Romani.
