Amazon Prime day just started but the only thing worth buying so far is this giant bag of penis-shaped candy

My mother still watches the national news (you know - ABC News, with an anchor and everything), which I occasionally can’t avoid overhearing. This evening, and yesterday evening…Amazon Prime Day was a story.

An online retailer is having a great big sale, and it was a story.

On the national…news.

Twice.

So I went out and shot myself in the face, because, you know…fuck it.

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