Long ago, when the billionaire philanthropist was a mere multimillionaire… and actually still wanted to help people.
And now, after the radioactive L.A. sunlight has scorched all color from the ground and sky, the old secret cave is guarded by one of Fleetwood’s top lieutenants, handpicked for his cunning, his relentless bloodthirst, and his skill with the deadly Bubble-Emitting Lethal Concentration Halide Emission Reactor, the use of which has been known to cause obesity and uncontrollable hair growth on wielders who forget to seal their helmets to their hazmat suits… and you should see what it does to its intended victims!
Deep inside the cave, Fleetwood admires the simplicity of the box handed to him by the exhausted old Mechanic. Palm-sized, matte black, with a single red button, a single black button, and an elegant Bakelite dial.
-“Step inside, Toeboy.”
-“Why don’t you step inside yourself?”
-“Show some sense, son. We can’t trust the Mechanic inside an impervious force-field with the Gen V. We might never get them out again. And you and I aren’t getting in together just yet. What if we can’t get out? What if it collapses on us and squishes us like a portable black hole?”
-“How likely is…”
-“You read the specs. You know how powerful the Gen V might be, as much as any of us do. She’s a dwarf star on a leash in a blue plastic portashitter, with a control interface management CPU and dynamic link library the likes of which have never been seen before. I have no doubt she’s smarter than both of us put together, about a million times over, and I’m not about to give her the slightest opportunity to wriggle out from under my thumb.”
-“So why should I…?”
-“Cause I’m holdin’ the button, Toecutter, you dense sonofabitch. Either you stand next to that one-holer honeywagon and test the force-field like a good and loyal second-in-command, or you wander on outside with Ro-Man and take your chances against the Mechanic’s friends when they come lookin’ for him.”
-“Hey, boss? I need to take a leak.”
-“Not now, Ro-Man. You stay right where you’re at, you hear me? The first sign of anyone coming up the canyon, you let 'em have it with the B.E.L.C.H.E.R.”
-“Christ, where do you hire these guys?”
-“Shut up, dummy. Now get in the shitter.”
-“All right, all right…”
The red button was pressed, and an eerie, charcoal-steely orb appeared, reflecting all but a narrow bandwidth of visible light. Fleetwood admired the sphere for a moment, then fired every gun he could reach at it. To his satisfaction, the force field held with nary a ripple. He pressed the black button and the force field vanished, revealed a shaken but impressed Toecutter.
-“Looks like it works, dummy. Excellent work, wrench! I think I owe you a bonus…”
-"… where’s your Mechanic, Fleetwood?"
Indeed, there was no sign of Clankenstein in the cave. A faint puff of steam curled lazily down from a shaft in the southwest corner.
-“Goddamn. Hey, Ro-Man!”
-“Just stepped away for a quick piss, boss.”
-“You damned fool. Did anyone come out of the cave?”
-“No sir, not a soul, and I was watching close. But I hear some engines coming hard and fast up the canyon. I’d better warm up the B.E.L.C.H.E.R.”
-“Help me load the Gen V into my Caddy, Toe, then stick close. We’re outta here.”
-“What about the wrench?”
-“We got what we need outta him. No time to tie up that particular loose end. I doubt he’ll trouble us. Now move! We gotta get this shitter to Vasquez Rocks.”
-“Why the hell did you move out there, anyway? Wasn’t the Citadel a better stronghold?”
-“Didn’t turn out to be as secure as I’d hoped. Too many ways in and out, couldn’t watch all approaches. The Vasquez H.Q. is simpler. Higher ground, only one viable approach from the ground, easier to guard. Not haunted. Unlikely to disturb nameless old gods from the dawn of the planet. Warmer, better view, plenty of natural light, spacious…”
-“Okay, I get it, you can take off the gold sportcoat. How’d you come by that place, anyway?”
-“Funny you should ask. It was a pretty good deal I made, years ago, maybe nine months after the war ended. It was my first foray into the desert after consolidating my influence in Watts. It came about because of a car I wanted, this Cadillac right here. And a particularly ugly card game…”
