Interstellar Stellar-gram
From: Captain Ssssskipper of the I.M.V. Flatulent Deity
To: Captain Adélie of the Jewel of the Desert
It is with a sssmall degree of embarrasssssment (an emotion that I am growing troublingly used to these daysss) that I confessss that, in my alcohol-and-grief-but-mostly-alcohol-fueled angst during the aforementioned existential crisisss, as I beat mercilessssly upon the sside of the dussty and rarely-used Replicator, I neglected to notice until jussst now that the model currently installed on the Deity is actually calibrated for human ussse alone. Ssso while it failed utterly to sserve me with a fresh, new, ssstrong three-chambered Sssspace-Lizard heart, it probably could have sspit out a dozen four-chambered human heartsss before needing itss plasma cartridges refilled. Sssince it’ss obviously of no use to me or my crew (horssseflesh appears to be similarly out of its specification), I offer it to you with my complimentsss. I just expect thisss gesture to be remembered the next time our collective backss are against a figurative galactic wall.
Cordially,
Captain Ssssskipper, I.M.V. Flatulent Deity
P.S. Oh, I nearly forgot to mention… in my desssperation to compel the damned device to generate me a heart, it sssseemss I broke off the “HEART” button. Fortunately, the “BRAIN” and “NOIVE” buttons are ssstill intact. As is the unexpectedly worn-nearly-smooth button for the, uh, organs you nearly mentioned in the communication code at the close of your missssive.
May they ssserve you in health… uh… ssssir.
