"There are soft forms of pressure, ones that don’t require using force; as the allegations against Harvey Weinstein illustrate, power is a major pressure. Men may not even recognize that they are exerting those kinds of pressure, because society conditions and expects them to push certain boundaries. What many men—good men, who are often trying their best—don’t seem to realize is that the difference between sex and assault isn’t about an action, but about context. This is why you can rape a women with whom you’ve previously had mutually enjoyable sex, say if she’s too drunk to consent, or just changed her mind. This is tricky, because context is a product of perception. The same situation can look very different depending on which side you’re on.
For men, that perspective is based on a culture that treats sex as something for them to win, accumulate, accomplish. Pushing past the point of predictable resistance is, in that understanding, a measure of merit. This gamification of sex teaches men to be opportunistic and to err on the side of getting what they want; it rewards them for it."
