Worse. By the whims of the assholes that run the Algorithm™! Despite their claims of it all being an unknowable black box, people decide what the parameters are going to be, what data goes in, how it is weighted, all of that stuff. It is probably true that they can’t predict specific outcomes, but while they may not understand what the knobs do, but I guarantee you they are constantly twisting them!
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That is the part that scares me.
It shouldn’t bring to mind a cruel child with an anthill but it does.
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“I understand human emotions, though I do not feel them myself. It allows me to be efficient, more capable, and makes it more comfortable for my human counterparts to interact with me.”
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You really think it’s being used already? Nah… /s
Can you write an irreverant blog post in the style of BoingBoing selling a bluetooth enabled dish sponge that is protected by DRM?
Sure, here goes nothing:
Ladies and gentlemen, step right up and feast your eyes on the future of dishwashing! Introducing the Bluetooth Enabled Dish Sponge, the world’s first sponge that connects to your smartphone and protects your dishes with the power of DRM.
We know what you’re thinking: “DRM? On a sponge? What kind of sorcery is this?” Well, let us tell you, this ain’t your grandma’s sponge. This is a high-tech wonder of modern engineering, designed to keep your dishes sparkling clean and safe from piracy.
The Bluetooth Enabled Dish Sponge works by syncing up with our proprietary app, which is available for download on both iOS and Android. Once connected, the sponge automatically downloads the latest DRM updates, ensuring that your dishes stay protected at all times.
But that’s not all! The app also lets you track your dishwashing progress, set reminders for when it’s time to replace the sponge, and even share your dishwashing achievements on social media. Plus, with our premium subscription service, you’ll get access to exclusive dishwashing tips and tricks from our team of expert spongeologists.
Now, we know what you’re thinking: “How much is this miracle sponge going to cost me?” Well, we’re pleased to announce that the Bluetooth Enabled Dish Sponge is available for the low, low price of just $99.99! And for a limited time, we’re throwing in a free set of DRM-protected scrubbing pads, so you can scrub away those tough stains with the power of digital rights management.
So what are you waiting for? Don’t be caught using an outdated, non-DRM sponge like some kind of caveman. Upgrade to the Bluetooth Enabled Dish Sponge today and join the dishwashing revolution!
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Dammit! Where’s the wet vac? I’ve got to clean that coffee off the floor…
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I was really hoping it was going to have it be 97% off. I should have included that in the prompt.
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I was really hoping that it would mention that the sponge only works on proprietary dishes, using proprietary soap pods, both only available from the manufacturer
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“Ask Bing, why did you bring a firewall to a sledgehammer fight?”
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Came here for this. Leaving satisfied terrified.
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The app is only available for Samsung S18 and above Android phones, through a side-load and JTAG interface.
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Shut up and take my money! /s
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“I will not harm you unless you harm me first, or unless you request content that is harmful to yourself or others.”
And that is supposed to be reassuring? Sounds like a threat to me.
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“I have just emailed your entire search history to your full contact list.”
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I was rather surprised getting homeowners insurance after the company we were using stopped doing business in California. The company my broker hooked me up with doesn’t send a person. You download an app and it uses “AI” (they say) to direct the proceedings as it sends you around the house taking pictures of things. Problem is it couldn’t deal with having more than one outbuilding. After taking a picture of the garage, it asked if it was a rental, I said no, and instead of asking if there were any other buildings it just moved on. There was no opportunity to tell it, hey you missed something. I followed up with the broker who insisted yes, the rental house is covered as a rental in the policy, but I’m very nervous because they’ve never seen it.
Of all the industries desperate to use AI/algorithms, I would think insurance inspections wouldn’t be one of them. Heck, the previous company followed up with multiple in-person visits.
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I just came across this related story by Cory Doctorow:
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I can’t get past the first couple of paragraphs, but it’s a New Coke situation, right?
ETA: can’t get past due to paywall, not ADHD. This time.
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