My dad gets very agitated when his car is not in his driveway, but fortunately he seems content to let my mom drive when they’re together. It just seems like he gets a stray neuron flash about every three months, and when my mom is out he’ll drive off. She gets home to find him and the car gone, and of course his cell phone is on the table. So far we’ve been lucky to have him come home shortly after with no apparent injury to either him or the car.
I’m very lucky to have a mechanic SO that my dad just loves. Seriously, he respects Mr. Deepeyes more than anyone, so we can use that to help dispel ornery moments. We disabled his car in a subtle way, so that when he tries to drive, he won’t be able to get out of the driveway. My mom can tell him that Mr. D will fix it, which will calm him in the moment. We re-able the car, show him that it runs, then re-disable it. Lying to dementia patients can be fun!
It’s been hard for my mom to understand that she doesn’t have to confront him about things that don’t matter. He often tells people that he’s done things that she knows he hasn’t, and it drives her up the wall! I’ve had to learn and model letting go of that kind of thing, as well as “therapeutic fibbing”. I think at this point in the disease, my role is mostly about letting my mom vent about all the parts of this that scare and infuriate her. She and I laugh a lot.
Sorry for the therapy session, guess I needed to vent a little too.
