You haven’t got the package yet.
But the UPS guy looks at you like he’s wishing he’d have a taser on him right now.
EXAMINE UPS TRUCK
Well, it looks like this
except that it’s not made out of Lego. The rear wheels need new tyres, but the pressure seems okay. And there are a couple of dents here and there. The odometer reads 239,738 miles. Oil and water levels are nominal. The tank is half full. Or half empty. There are 178 parcels in the truck. The hinges on the doors at the back squeak. There is a lunch box on the dashboard (two sandwiches corned beef on rye, one sandwich swiss on white, a Mars bar, a tupperware container with potato salad and a half-eaten croissant) and a thermos with coffee (possibly a Jamaica Blue Mountain blend with a dash of milk and just a tad too much sugar).
By now the UPS guy looks like he wishes he had a gun to shoot you.
TALK TO UPS GUY
The UPS guy starts to back away nervously, but relaxes a bit as you wave the notification slip around.
GIVE SLIP TO UPS GUY
Jeez, I’m getting there.
GIVE PARCEL SLIP TO UPS GUY
The UPS guy clearly just wants to get the hell outta there.
He doesnt even ask for your name or anything, just lets you sign for a flat, smallish package that might contain a book.
As he hands the package to you, the UPS guy seems to remember something.
He hesitates for a second, then asks whether you could sign for a couple of packages “for your nextdoor neighbours” too.
SIGN FOR PACKAGES
The UPS guy dumps five more packages on the curb and burns rubber like a drag racer as he takes off.
The five packages are identical except for the adresses - five different houses in the street you are standing in. In fact, all the houses are located next to each other on the right side of the street, starting with the house next to the grey house.
The five packages were all sent from the same address in Lakewood, NJ; apparently from some sort of food company.
GO TO HOUSE NEXT TO GREY HOUSE
It’s an odd, boxy house that looks a bit like someone tried to mate a two-storey ranch house with a Borg cube.
KNOCK ON DOOR
For a couple of minutes, nothing, but you get the feeling that someone is at the other side of the door, keeping wewy, wewy quiet.
Then you hear the distinctive sound of a round being chambered by a pumpgun action.
LEAVE PACKAGE ON DOORSTEP
You lay the package addressed to the right house very careful on the doormat and back away from the door.
As you turn around to head for the street, you realize that two men in black Addidas tracksuits and shades have managed to creep up on you. They are blocking the path to the street.
ASK MEN FOR THEIR ADDRESS
They look briefly at each other.
The taller one rolls his eyes.
The shorter one says in a sarcastic tone "Oh look guys, UPS has new uniforms!"
You hear the door opening behind you. The guy in the door says “I don’t like this. Doug said to wait for the UPS guy. This clown has our stuff, but he doesn’t look like UPS to me.”
“Think he’s a fed?”, asks the tall guy.
“Doesn’t look like a fed either.”
“Maybe we’d better take him to see Doug”, muses the short guy.
The tall guy gives a nod to the guy in the door.
Then the lights go out.
You wake up after an indeterminate amount of time in an unsufficiently lit basement room with a headache.