Complex topic, but Mutant advice is welcome

If the moderators of a web property see no value in asking a question, or deem it so obvious that discussion isn’t warranted then it is probably best to let the issue disappear. I have an emotional investment in the crew that works for me, not a particular bit of web posting :).

Jlw and other moderators feel free to change the topic subject, delete, or lock. I was simply looking for advice on a subject I didn’t feel equipped for, and did not want any others at my work to know about.

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if you want the thread deleted to preserve the privacy of your co-workers, more power to ya.

I thought you were apologizing for asking an important and sincere question, and wanted to give positive reinforcement for seeking consultation on it.

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But JLW didn’t say that the question had no value, in fact they participated in the conversation and offered a great answer. Perhaps other people can learn from these posts as well.

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I am and was sincerely looking for advice, and thank you. I guess I come from a different mind space than some others here, I would have appreciated a hand during a few difficult times.

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Like many people ibmake mistakes, or omit parts, or tweak narratives to my own use.

sigh the potential self harm is in my mind the big part of the picture. The mysoginyst t-shirts this individual wears, off color jokes, and other parts are what I feel make my question a tad more than simple. I didn’t mention that this individual had those issues as well because I have experience gently shifting individuals a way from those types of behaviors (at least in professional settings).

However as I think I mentioned virtually all friends that I have which engaged in self harm eventually needed professional help.

So the part that I was/am struggling with is: do I continue to be a “positive reinforcement manager” for the issues I know how to handle and ignore the big one that I don’t (the big one being potential self harm); or do I broach the subject and let the person know that his employer will pay for help if it is needed.

Replying that this is a “simple” issue is kind of a downer, since I honestly care for my team.

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Thing is, friends aren’t the same as employees. The time when I most needed help is the time I was least likely to accept it. I would have taken your outreached hand and bitten it off clear to the elbow.

Yep. Normality, stability and a safe environment is worth heaps.

Also yep. It’s just not your place.

Absolutely not. You should let your entire team know, without singling anyone out and without going overboard about it. Make it normal and give it as much emphasis as you would do when talking about catering or parking issues.

A simple "Hey guys, I know things have been hardcore recently, just to remind you that we do give a shit and here’s a reminder of our company wellness policy and what you can get from us. Yada yada strict confidence, etc. Come see me if you need to" sort of thing

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Answers like this are why I continue to ask questions. :smile:

Thank you for your thoughtful advice.

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No worries. It’s just my perspective, that’s all.

Just apply the usual caveats that I’m no expert, other folks issues present differently to mine and you’re getting advice off the internet. From a Martian. :alien:

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It’s tricky. One train of thought (which is rather mercenary) is to realise that should they return to self destructive behaviour then this is a liability. Are you covered / liable if they go postal? Do you have to pay their surviving family a lump sum if they die in service? It could be costly to have them die whilst on your payroll. Presumably the situation you have is nowhere near this.

Another train of thought looks at discrimination legislation - you can’t fire someone in most juristrictions for possessing protected characteristics (sexual orientation, ethnicity, disabilities, etc) which extends to mental health.

There is an exception - when they’re hired they need to declare any disabilities or other health issues (to a company doctor or equivalent) that the company needs to be aware of, so the company can make adjustments. So if they have preexisting issues with depression that they did not declare, then they will have no legal protection should the same issues reoccur - they lose statutory protection and you can fire them for lying to secure the job. Did they declare the issue to HR/a company doctor when they were hired?

The morally right thing to do is to treat them normally just like any other colleague.

Oh FSM, you bring up a train of thought I haven’t even explored :).

I tend to work with/for/manage “greyhat” types of people. Which in my experience means “brilliant yet eccentric”. I am personally less brilliant and less eccentric than many coworkers, and would never, ever throw them under the bus of " normal" people. My professional life requires me to operate at the edges of some boundaries (all legal, all ethical, all moral :smile:)

Good advice has been given to me to generally handle situations that are outside of my comfort zone. (My comfort zone being in inappropriate behavior, addiction, specific mental health issues) . however is would never ask nor use as a hiring criteria if specific issues were present in an applicant.

If someone that works for me needs help, hot damn I will help them. If they need help in certain things I am familiar with then I usually have hints, behaviors i hope they copy, or nudges .

I would never “not hire” or fire based on a things that have been discussed in this thread. If that were the case I’d have to fire myself :).

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