I am trying to limit my use of that word to abstract things (not always succeeding, because ingrained cultural habits die hard) like “ugly thoughts”. Nasty thoughts that I don’t like looking at. More than just mean thoughts, more than just dark thoughts, or at least different from them. Behaviour, like when people need to drag down other people’s fun/beliefs for no reason other than to be negative or feel superior (to be absolutely clear, this is not directed towards you, I am replying to you because you have laid out the best discussion of the power of the word as label and I pretty much agree with what you said). It fits because “ugly” is such a powerfully shaming word and there are some things/acts that should be shamed. Hurtful, hateful things. Like calling a person ugly. And those kinds of behaviours really are off-putting up to being stomach-turning to me.
I got called ugly in High School a lot, to a point where it definitely affected my sense of worth. To the point where very few pictures of me exist and even fewer are online (in fact the Internet and peoples’ habit of posting things without full permission of all participants has really led to my insistence in remaining off camera).
I think that’s the difference for me. Actions and ways of thinking are not inherent qualities. We can choose not to attack a person or make them feel bad, just to make ourselves feel better.
