In highschool a male friend of mine wore a skirt and got hospitalized by some other highschool students. No one was charged, the victim was blamed. We organized a show of solidarity where boys wore skirts to school; people were given detentions, an organizer was suspended.
In contrast my daughter’s school has a boy who at least sometimes wears dresses and skirts. The other kids definitely think the boy is wearing girls’ clothes but they don’t attack or ostracize them, and the school isn’t complicit in bullying. The end of gender standards would be if a boy wearing a dress wasn’t even worth mentioning (except maybe to complement the lovely dress) but at least where I am it’s gotten a lot less dangerous to be a boy in a dress than it used to be.
Absolutely. My daughter has a friend who wears skirts at school.
It has always been easier to break feminine gender norms than masculine ones, as masculinity is much more rigidly enforced.
And while my daughter still takes a little flak from both strangers and family, she knows has the support of her immediate family and friends. I wish that more boys had that level of support and freedom to explore their own identities.
Edited to add:
FWIW, I never claimed that gender standards have ended. I only offered my personal experience with their loosening.
I’m glad this came through my feed today. Already passed it along to another community I frequent with a distinctly queer audience and it was appreciated for being a genuine and heartfelt story rather than yet another preachy article seeking to espouse a viewpoint.
I think women fought hard to be able to wear pants instead of dresses.
But I do think we currently have a Will-to-Power- and game-theory-based zeitgeist that understands people trying to get more power and does not understand other motivations for behaviour. We can understand women presenting masculine traits/behaviours under that construct but not men presenting feminine ones.
Of course it’s obvious from reading this story (and many stories like it) that people who are transgender (or who have a deep desire to behave in non-gender-conforming ways) aren’t transgender to accomplish some end, it’s just who they are. It’s radical from a gender perspective and in that it goes against our collective idea that people’s primary driving force is to maximize personal utility.
You’re right, I can’t think of similar items directed at men. You also made me wonder if there’s any way to donate all the makeup kit holiday “gifts” found during my decluttering/estate project.
My dad recently had to put his wife into a memory care facility. He took all of her make up and related beauty items to a local organization that helps battered women escape abusive situations and find employment.
Also, clothing that is appropriate for job interviewing is a big help.
A neighbor when I lived in Portland told me about his time previously being homeless. When he was finally able to get a job interview he had no place to wash or shave and he lived in the only clothes he had. As we all know much of job interviews is about first impressions and confidence. So donations of stuff we might think is meh, can be life changing for folks working hard to get back on their feet.
Never understood the holding the purse or buying pads thing. It says “I am in a relationship and having sex regularly. I can have OFFSPRING!!! You haven’t learned that trick and have to spend money and get humiliated trying to find a woman who’s interested.”
At daughter’s middle school swim team meets, we observed that sometimes we would see a boy wearing a non-uniform swim cap that was pink. Very unlikely that it would be the same boy every time. But more often than not, the kid in pink would win his heat.
This is, of course, true. I just find it interesting that it’s an inversion, I suppose. Shaming for having/doing versus shaming for not having/doing.
You’re probably right about it being a symptom of the cishet-white-male default, too.
Easy and fun. This uncle can blow a 4-year-old niece’s mind just by letting down my usually tied-back hair or showing I have a pink toothbrush just like hers!
A bit off topic of original post, but wanted to wish you good luck! I do this in spurts in an ongoing manner and it always feels good. Just did the top kitchen cabinets last weekend. Cleared out a hutch one evening after work. Doing it in small bits like that is more manageable and helps avoid the build up in the first place. You just have to be careful not to simply move things you don’t want to deal with to another part of the house.
And as for the trendiness, just like with the minamalism and “capsule” wardrobe stuff it can get silly. I don’t think of it as decluttering so much as being conscious of what I have and making the conscious decision that I still want it. If it’s something I never use anymore but I’m feeling sentimentally attached, sometimes I just snap a pic before moving it to the donate pile.
