I come to BoingBoing for the sophisticated analysis of cultural phenomena, and stay for the mastery of language.
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For future purposes, any legal letter written that includes this monstrosity can probably safely be filed in the bin:
you (collectively “You” or “Your”)
It might have a place in a contract but in a letter? No, just no.
Also any lawyer writing to a non-lawyer saying:
Courts weigh four primary factors in determining whether use of a copyrighted work is fair use. When those factors are applied to Your (must not throw up at the pointless use of a defined term) use of the Images (ditto) on Your Site (no, too much, where’s my barf bag), none support an argument that your use is fair use.
without ever specifying what the “four primary factors” are and why they don’t apply is basically the equivalent of a 4 year old saying to another, “I win because of a secret rule which I’m not telling you. So there!”
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Just a bunch of names that don’t mean didilly shit.
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Where were those pictures I was supposed to see last week?!
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Is Don on the phone?
It was the “$hit” to which I was referring, which doesn’t appear in the original.
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Ah, I wasn’t sure. But I figured you probably knew the reference. Anyway, there it is for anyone who doesn’t.
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I didn’t. So, thanks.
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Lawyers charge for telling you that stuff. You can’t expect to be told what you did wrong for free.
(OTOH when the case is really open and shut…I once saw a letter from a Texas law firm (yes, even in Texas) to someone who had contrived an ingenious fraud to keep a competitor out of a market. It was one side of a piece of paper with room for the list of partners at the top. And it could be summarised as “This is precisely what you did, this is how we can prove you did it, this (itemised) is why it is illegal and this is what you are going to do to avoid having a judge hand you your asses on a plate.” It was instantly effective and the guy who showed it to me said it was the best $2000 he had ever spent. I regard that as the gold standard for “do these people have a case or not.”)
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Hey, hey, let’s not start talking about lawyers doing things for free - you wash your mouth out 
Plus, bear in mind, you are getting paid for it. Your client is paying for it. The longer and more technical the letter, the more you can charge.
if you’ve actually got a case, you say so. In exquisite and very clear detail.
If all you can do is say I’ve got a really strong argument but I’m not going to tell you what it is, it means you either don’t have an argument or you’re an idiot.
Or both, I suppose.
There are some beautiful examples of legal letters out there. Lawyerist.com often publishes a bunch of them. Also some truly bonkers US law firm adverts.
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That sentence prompted the referenced legal entanglement.
However, my reference was to the word “$hit” which doesn’t appear in the original, see above.
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