In all seriousness, knoxblox, this conversation is making me worry for you. It sounds like you’re in a rough place right now.
If you’re in the US and you’d like to talk to someone, you can call 800-273-8255 – yeah, it’s the national suicide prevention hotline, but you don’t actually have to be suicidal to call. You can just call if things are rough for you.
(As someone with depression myself, I know when I start half-joking about dying, it doesn’t mean I’m actually suicidal. But it’s a signal that things aren’t OK. That’s how I’m reading your comments.)
