Who are you to tell women experiencing sexism that what they perceive as sexism is not sexism? What experience do you have of being a woman in tech?
If you already know that rampant sexism is a problem, then there’s no reason to quibble with the precise list of five examples. You can think of others. You know their point is legit. You don’t need this particular evidence, you’ve got plenty of others. Trying to tell them that these specific instances aren’t what they claim they are isn’t helpful. It’s not improving their argument, it’s just patronizing. If you agree that sexism is a problem, then you don’t need these five instances to be persuaded.
You, however, aren’t an authority on the issue. These women believe these examples are instances of sexism in the industry, and you cannot possibly be a greater expert on the topic than they are, so you don’t have any real standing to dispute their experience, here. As a man, you have to let the experts with years of experience in the topic speak to their own knowledge, and accept what they have to say as better-researched than you could hope to be. You don’t want to be like that guy who doesn’t believe in climate change because it got cold yesterday, right? So stop being the weatherman that doubted the scientist.
Take that attention to detail you displayed and put it to use in support of the cause you agree with rather than trying to break it down. These five examples don’t do it for you? Okay, find some that do, and post them as supporting evidence. If you don’t work with sexists (hard to believe, but whatever), then find an apologist, someone who writes off these concerns, and give them a list of links that proves they’re full of bullshit.
Because coming in and saying “That’s a poor supporting argument!” isn’t helping make a better one, it’s just helping the people who want to write it off. Maybe it is a poor supporting argument (I don’t think that it is, myself), then make a better one. One that’s harder to write off.
