If you drop us, we’ll charge you a termination fee. Even if it’s because you died, we’ll still charge you a termination fee. If you always pay your bill on time, we’ll charge you a fee to make up for the late fees we’re losing out on. However, if you vote Republican (and we have ways of knowing), we’ll drop the fees. Also, if you’re wealthy (and, again, we know) we’ll drop all fees and give you tons of free stuff instead. Because, hey, that’s just the way things work in the 21st century.
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