Fuck Today


I have been interviewing with a tech company for a few months now. I am at the point where I am waiting on an offer. They said it was supposed to come Friday, but they are notorious for a long hiring process. After I get the letter, send it back, they will conduct a background check and only then can I give notice.

I am on a remote team of 6. The manager and one engineer just quit, leaving a lot of slack to pick up. I have two trips in the next week (not cheap ones), one being a conference booked for months and the other a training session booked to help make up for the loss of my manager. Both booked long before I knew I would be getting an offer.

My new boss wants to spend some time this week and next since we will be in the same place (he is at training location and going with to conference). So I have to plan out with him how we are going to recover from the loss of two big contributors on the team (and I cannot say anything until the offer comes through and I pass the background check). So, making detailed plans which we will have to scrap because I am almost out the door.

I also think one or two of the remaining team members are interviewing other places, and their two weeks notice is pending an offer as well.

So I am going to be in a tough spot if my offer doesn’t come soon, and possibly an even worse spot if it falls through (finishing this year’s work of 6 people with possibly only two of us left).


The best of luck to you. I know the feel. I left a job which was wearing me out fast, with +90h of overtime in three months and not a glimpse of hope for less work. Now I got a job starting soon with regular hours (hopefully) and a net income raise of .5k/m.
Still not sure if worth it, see above. Right now, the immediate future has costs of about >8.6k coming with the job - see above.

Next time I’m gonna be even more careful before I take an offer.


I’m sure.


Fucking kidney stones.


Getting away from that kind of overtime is 100% worth it. That’s not sustainable.

If your employer doesn’t have a plan for preventing and/or dealing with burnout, then you’re pretty screwed when they let you go because you’re burnt out; suddenly jobless at the same time when you are well and thoroughly spent. It’s incredibly shitty to be trying to look for work when you are so exhausted that you just want to sleep and interviewers perceive someone who’s just dumb as a sack of hammers because you haven’t recovered yet

agree about being careful about new offers - that’s definitely ideal where possible

Anyway, good luck with your new gig


And now that I am home with drugs and sources of hydration and a proper keyboard… Fucking 6mm stone hurts like a mofo. At least I wasn’t getting nauseous till well into the ER visit. Also yay for there being in urgent care/emergency care one block from work.
Fuck today for the pain hitting while I was on the bus to work though. Also fuck the fact I have a stone still forming in the responsible kidney.

Shall we try this again? Questions to be asked?

Damn, that sucks.

Ultra-sound, maybe?

Here’s hoping for a speedy recovery. :pray: :muscle:


Possibly. It sill in the range of it can pass without much help but I am supposed to call the urology clinic tomorrow.
I have vicodin, some anti nausea stuff and a muscle relaxant, and permission to take some ibuprofen as well. I think I am set for the rest of the day.


Ugh! Let us know how the urology clinic visit goes tomorrow, and good luck!


Well that would be today now. I left a message and I am waiting for a call back.
Also I can happily say unlike my last fun time the Vicodin is doing a quite a nice job so other than some minor twinges I am feeling okay.
And thanks.


I get to go to see them next tuesday… In the meantime still haven’t passed the stone and I have 5 vicodin left.


Update: The offer came through, and the final thing is the background and references check (should be basically a done deal). Today I think is the day I hear back. It is going to be a rough chat with my boss, because the guy who I suspect is leaving is taking a few more days off this week.

Also I randomly get a free playstation.


Fuck today, again. Starting the new job on Monday. As of today, it’s clear I’ll have to pay three months double rent, and my landlord is trying to get any amount of money from me she can milk out. She even wants me to pay for a broken light switch which was broken when we moved in.
We tried out best to appease her during the last year’s, we tried to keep everything in order, even didn’t molest her about her duty to install smoke detectors. Now, it looks she’s hellbound to keep our deposit. What the actual fuck.


Sorry, long story ahead. TL/DR at the end.

So mid last year friends of mine lost their young daughter in a car accident. It was three days before the girl turned 5. It was beyond horrific. I’d held this girl as a baby and watched her grow. Our daughters played together. The girl’s younger sister, also in a car accident but not injured, is only a bit older than my daughter. That kind of grief of pain never goes away.

How here’s the worse part. Since then the girl’s father has changed from fairly chilled dude to the worst kind of fundamentalist Christian. In his mind his daughter will go to heaven and so if he wants to see her again he needs to go to heaven, so he needs be a good Christian boy and follow the bible exactly. Before marriage never interested him and now he has proposed to the mother of his kids and they’re getting married at the end of his month. And it also means gay people are bad.

Anyone who posts anything that is about gay people or supporting gay people get angry, vitriol-filled comments and messages. It’s never in person, always in messages, usually over facebook. He has picked fights with friends. To the point where friendships have been severed and he managed to misconstrue what happened enough that his fiancee severed at least one friendship too.

So yesterday I shared a post that vaguely referenced gay people. (A mishearing of gaze and gays and a kid asking a parent what penetrating gaze/gays meant.) It was hella funny. In response he went on a rant about ‘stupid gays’ and it ‘it didn’t matter how much they fucked they would never get a daughter.’

I immediately deleted his comment. I don’t need that. My friends don’t need to see that. The 13 year old gender fluid daughter of a friend who is only just realising that people will hate for no other reason than she gender fluid, definitely does not need to see that. I didn’t address it, I just deleted it.

In response I received an abusive message from his complete with gay slur, asking why he wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. I replied that I wouldn’t stand for hate speech and block him entirely. I knew this coming. His anger has been directed at other people and I am very vocal in my support of who are in sexual or gender minorities. I’m also pansexual myself. I was only being polite to him out of respect for his fiancee and my friendship with her (which I am guessing will not survive this.)

I thought that would be the end of it, but no, then I got a text a little before midnight. More of the same. Blocked him there too.

I know this all coming from pain and grief, but that doesn’t mean I have to host it put up with abuse.

It’s all a fucking mess and I don’t know what, if anything, to say to his fiancee.

TL:DR, guy who lost his daughter last year has turned into an angry homophobic dick. Getting married to the other of his children soon and I don’t think she has any idea what he is saying to people.


Not an attempt to trivialize your difficulty, but in my experience homophobes are always homophobes, but now he has something to be angry about, and is projecting.


Probably true. Friends of his who are gay don’t seem to know the extent of his raging homophobia.


How awful. You have my deepest condolences. He’s a little, OK a lot insane right now; I cannot imagine what it’s like to lose a child, but I know it’s broken stronger people than me, and only some of them ever got better. Because you’re right, the pain never goes away, some people just eventually learn to deal with it, and some never do.

I’d tell him, if he truly believes, Jesus brought the New Testament to supersede the Old; no one who preaches hate can ever enter the kingdom of God,. Remember it’s written, let he who is without sin cast the first stone.

It might not penetrate, but if you want to give it a try, I can supply more anti-hate Xi’an theology.


I know it all. I grew up in the church his neck deep in right now. I follow an awesome guy named Stant Litore on facebook, his breakdowns on the Greek, Hebrew and Aramaic and where translations have gone wrong are amazing. His patience at explaining his reasonings to people who sent him angry messages is boundless.

I’m as sure as I can be, without testing, that he will hear none of it from me. With his intense anger right now I don’t think anything will get through. He and his fiancee, mother of the child, never went to any kind of grief counselling. That was their choice, obviously, but I hate they never got any trauma or grief counselling for the younger daughter, who was in the car too and watched her older sister die. His anger affects her too, as the one who died was his favourite. He’s short with her, very demanding with little patience and the kid is only 4 years old.

I know others, too many, that have lost children. I’ve had a loss. Pretty much everyone else I know have thrown themselves into something positive. One family has fostered and made a difference in other kids lives. One set up a charity for the NICU where her son died, providing books for families to read to their babies. Another family have raised money for bears of hope. I don’t want to compare, but I can see how it could have been.

I just hope he gets help before there is nothing left inside him but anger.


Banner day for mansplainers!