Sorry, long story ahead. TL/DR at the end.
So mid last year friends of mine lost their young daughter in a car accident. It was three days before the girl turned 5. It was beyond horrific. I’d held this girl as a baby and watched her grow. Our daughters played together. The girl’s younger sister, also in a car accident but not injured, is only a bit older than my daughter. That kind of grief of pain never goes away.
How here’s the worse part. Since then the girl’s father has changed from fairly chilled dude to the worst kind of fundamentalist Christian. In his mind his daughter will go to heaven and so if he wants to see her again he needs to go to heaven, so he needs be a good Christian boy and follow the bible exactly. Before marriage never interested him and now he has proposed to the mother of his kids and they’re getting married at the end of his month. And it also means gay people are bad.
Anyone who posts anything that is about gay people or supporting gay people get angry, vitriol-filled comments and messages. It’s never in person, always in messages, usually over facebook. He has picked fights with friends. To the point where friendships have been severed and he managed to misconstrue what happened enough that his fiancee severed at least one friendship too.
So yesterday I shared a post that vaguely referenced gay people. (A mishearing of gaze and gays and a kid asking a parent what penetrating gaze/gays meant.) It was hella funny. In response he went on a rant about ‘stupid gays’ and it ‘it didn’t matter how much they fucked they would never get a daughter.’
I immediately deleted his comment. I don’t need that. My friends don’t need to see that. The 13 year old gender fluid daughter of a friend who is only just realising that people will hate for no other reason than she gender fluid, definitely does not need to see that. I didn’t address it, I just deleted it.
In response I received an abusive message from his complete with gay slur, asking why he wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. I replied that I wouldn’t stand for hate speech and block him entirely. I knew this coming. His anger has been directed at other people and I am very vocal in my support of who are in sexual or gender minorities. I’m also pansexual myself. I was only being polite to him out of respect for his fiancee and my friendship with her (which I am guessing will not survive this.)
I thought that would be the end of it, but no, then I got a text a little before midnight. More of the same. Blocked him there too.
I know this all coming from pain and grief, but that doesn’t mean I have to host it put up with abuse.
It’s all a fucking mess and I don’t know what, if anything, to say to his fiancee.
TL:DR, guy who lost his daughter last year has turned into an angry homophobic dick. Getting married to the other of his children soon and I don’t think she has any idea what he is saying to people.