I was extremely lucky to be raised as part of a strong Mohawk family, which has traditionally had Male Chiefs but also “Clan Mothers” who were responsible for edicts like “No wars until you get us dinner!” and so on.
As a result, (and without understanding it at the time) I grew up with an understanding of women in relationships (social, familial, etc) being treated as equals. Only in adulthood did I understand how important that was growing up - so much so that what you said above - the idea that a “strong woman” must hate men, is an alien concept.
As an adult, though, I’ve seen how rare that sort of situation has been for a lot of “traditional” white households who might have grown up with a man as a primary earner, and women as secondary (despite, as is often the case, having more responsibility and doing more for the overall day-to-day of the household, especially where children are involved). Translate that divide into art and culture, and suddenly you have music by empowered women like Ms. Morissette being considered “pop” or otherwise “frivolous” as a direct extension of that mindset.
And, of course, the asshole behaviour you mention above - “strong women” = “man haters”.
Uuuuugh.
