My point is not that it’s a great site or the only site for autistic people, just that autism and culture are related in different ways, even when it’s a common claim from autistic people that conventions should not just be accepted. There are other sites that are better, but I was specifically talking about one that seems to have a lot of MRA-style voices.
An attempt to codify human relationships aimed at people who feel excluded from them is probably going to find a lot of autistic people. Sometimes people reject one kind of groupthink and embrace another, especially if it approaches them as a person who is making social errors and who can learn skills rather than a “needy sycophant” or “entitled asshole”. Quite a few of these people were looking to connect with someone rather than dominate them or just get into their pants, until they swallowed the toxic message that this is what the dynamic is really about. It’s a shame that a lot of feminist critique of this serves to ridicule men by labelling them and attacking their sense of worth, since this in itself is embracing toxic masculinity and is counterproductive.
ETA: This does not describe my life. I feel sorry for these people not because I was once like them (I married really young), but because I can understand the thinking patterns that could lead someone in that direction.
The common understanding of how autistic people learn is that direct instruction is integral to comprehension. A lot of us are not so good with abstract concepts and figurative language. We are often concrete thinkers who benefit from step-by-step explanations. Guess who’s really good at offering young men step-by-step explanations on how to get a girlfriend?
Pick-up artists. They demystify a terrifying process. While social skills groups and parents go around the idea of dating and sexuality, PUAs jump right in and offer concrete steps on how to get exactly what you want. They give advice on appearance and approach, and offer praise for attempts at contact. They acknowledge that autistic young men are capable of and interested in being sexual with other people (in this instance, women) – validation few others in their lives are willing to consider.
So, yeah. Autistic young men who are interested in women are definitely at risk of embracing MRA philosophy, and of emulating misogynist pick-up artist practice. There. I said it. It’s out there. Now, what do we do about it? Simple answer, more complicated execution. The short answer is that we ensure that every young person has access to comprehensive sexuality education that’s based in respect, mutual pleasure, and consent. We humanize sexuality, and include the emotional parts of it in our conversations with youth. We acknowledge that sexual interest lies on a spectrum. We reinforce the idea that no person on this planet is owed sex by another person, for any reason.
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