Then it’s anecdotal, and isn’t really a basis for making an observation about the world in this case (or any, really). Given how many women are in the world, how much do you think the women you know mirrors the rest of the world? I think we (not just you, but everyone) forgets that we have our own biases that can color how we view reality. Also, I think we often act in ways that may not 100% match everything about ourselves to the rest of the world for any number of reasons and that is something to take into account when we think about how others act around us. We have different personas for different things–I act different with my family than I do when I’m in front of a class or at a conference for example. I’m not less me, I just have a different persona of sorts.
Good. I think that’s a positive step and I think it’s great that you are doing that. But she isn’t just learning from you and your partner and extended family (even if family is her primary model for how to be in life). She also soaks in the culture around us (which is DEEPLY sexist, racist, homophobic, transgenderphobic, etc) and picks up on some of our subconscious clues we express in our daily lives as we go about our business. With my own daughter, I’ve discovered the only thing that helps that is to encourage her to constantly think about the meaning of the culture around her–I try to get her to think about the embedded biases in our world, on a daily basis if I can. For example, we watched some movie from the 40s, one of the Mummy movies. It was incredibly over the top sexism and racism. We spent the whole movie mocking every stupid racist and sexist trope. I did this so she could see that the way the black character and the women were portrayed was completely unacceptable - also to make the damn thing tolerable. We also spent time after the movie explaining why the movie was so sexist and racist and why that was wrong.
Isn’t Orwell who said to see what is in front of our face requires a constant struggle? I think he was right. We might not see these things or think we are a part of them, but they are so much a part of the fabric of our culture, that it’s hard to see sometimes. Assuming because some women you know don’t enjoy geek culture doesn’t mean that all women dislike geek culture. Some of us are very much interested in that culture and call it our own.
Last, what if your daughter was into “girly” things? What if she liked barbies, and fashion and princesses? How would you react to that? Forbid it? Make her feel bad about liking those things… because as much as I dislike the gender biases embedded in that stuff, I also don’t feel femininity is a bad thing in and of itself.
