This.
I read this in my inbox, and came here to see if anyone hit on that one, specific point. So happy that it arrived before I did. I have infinite patience with those that need it the most, but much less so with those that are completely capable of thinking and expressing themselves with the entirety of their attention, concentration, and life-experiences, especially when those expressions happen within a group of people used to new ideas and who actively seek them out, as I usually characterize the Boingboing set. Open-minded, self-reflective, open-minded, razor-sharp witted and open-minded. These traits usually engender another specific set of traits, the ones that keep me coming back to the BBbbs: empathy and compassion. With those traits somewhere in our hierarchy of expression, we’re only one small step from moving them to the top, and that is foster a sense of love for everyone of our species, because we are all fought with weaknesses and challenges, hopes and dreams, and individual narratives that are exactly as important as our own. We don’t have to like everybody, but loving everyone first sure feels right. If that is a challenge, I suggest taking a pt job or better, volunteering at a homeless shelter, nursing home or home/school for the people on the autism spectrum, developmentally disabled people or people struggling with catastrophic forms of mental illness. Doing something like this allows us to foster those little nuggets of compassion and empathy in very real and necessary way. Being able to learn that all of these other people with challenges we don’t yet understand are exactly like us removes the need for any type of posturing. Even if you need to fake the compassion at first, at one point you will find you are no longer “faking”. The compassion becomes real. We are a naturally compassionate species. That’s why we understand our pets, and see faces in the clouds. We naturally want to understand and be understood. Emoting this in any setting, even that of a hectic airport won’t just get you what you need, it will help everyone around you get what they need. No need for fakery or body-language experts. That body language expert would wilt in the face of a pepsi-challange with the real thing any day.
If fostering compassion for others doesn’t seem to be in within your wheel-house at this time, or if you happen to be a “type A” personality, or even for students of Ayn-Randian philosophy, understanding the need for others success as an indispensable pillar of one’s own success could lead you to a very similar place, with nearly equal success. I say “nearly equal” because the deeply emphatic among us may sense the reasons for one’s cooperation and acquiescence as self-fullment driven, and drive them to seek others who’s motives are entirely compassionate, but cooperation for selfish reasons still beats entitled-rage, every single time. Neil Strauss, in ‘Emergency: This book will save your life’ said “Survival is a team-sport.” If we truly want to survive in this world, we must also truly want those within our sphere of influence to survive, because the moment those we interact with start dropping out of the race, it’s only a matter of time before the rot reaches us.
tl;dr Being real beats seeming real every single time, regardless of one’s knowledge of body language.
ty, @elk!
