How to Win Friends and Convince People to Watch Eurovision

Seriously, this year it’s got to be Finland - try to imagine a goth strapped to a giant catherine wheel whilst the Wehrmacht’s corps-de-ballet perform semi-synchronised writhing amidst billowing clouds of dry ice.

Though Israel’s budget Bjork and chicken squawks is close behind.

And Ireland has two men dancing with one another which should create a nice scene vis-a-vis Moscow.

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