I found a locked safe hidden at the back of a closet in my new house

games
2356

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2358

Phone call this morning:

“Bob’s Lock Shop, how may I help you? 
 Rob Beschizaa?..[types name into database search]
Yeah, well, uhm, you know, we’d love to help you out with that
[query result: SSSS]
but, it’s, winter - lots of door swellage. Really busy. Wish I could help
When? Well, soon it will be warm, then it’s frame shrinkage season. Sorry
”

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(or this, if you’re feeling more ïŒĄïŒ„ïŒłïŒŽïŒšïŒ„ïŒŽïŒ©ïŒŁ):

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2361

What if it’s just a bunch of gum-bands inside?

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2362

Maybe there will be a trove of valuable, collectable Bazooka Joe Comics that can be sent in for amazing prizes.

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2363

“Mexico’s going to pay to open the safe.”

a few weeks pass

“Mexico’s going to pay us back to open the safe.”

a few months pass

“Safe?!? What safe? Oh that? The safe was just a metaphor.”

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2364

“I had it deported. I have tremendous respect for safes - tremendous - I have lots of them, the best safes. Everybody loves my safes. I told this safe to open. It didn’t open. It’s a bad safe. Now it’s gone. That’s a lesson, people. A lesson.”

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2365

He said he’d open it by the end of next week last month. But then a few weeks ago it should’ve been open this last week
 and this week now it’s this weekend
 I need some paper, a pen and a mayan calendar


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2366

“
 and some, I assume, are open safes.”

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2367

Rob’s safe should keep its door shut. It is the opposition safe.

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2368

The safe is closed. GET OVER IT ALREADY!

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Let me just tell you, you know what’s important, millions of people agree with me when I say that if you would’ve looked on one of the other networks and all of the people that were calling in they’re saying, “We agree with Mr. Trump. We agree.” They’re very smart people.

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2371

Well, they’re like smart people.

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2372

At this point, no matter what the safe contains, I am afraid I will be plunged into depression when the safe is finally opened.


 unless it contains Trump’s and Pence’s long form birth certificates, showing that they were both born in Kenya to Kenyan citizens and were smuggled across the Mexican border as infants.

Please?

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2373

For a fee, a rich relative overseas can have said documents available to you. I just need $2,000 and to make sure you’re serious i will also need your social security number.

Totally not a scam. It’s an alternative truth.

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So, um, Herr Drumpf isn’t the only one who hires folks to pee on stuff?

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