If you are going north of 100MB/s and doing any actual packet munging, you probably don’t want a ‘home’ router. The cheap ones will fall over and die. The expensive ones will bristle with more antennas than a stereotypical alien spiderbot and promise fancy wireless featues; but still fall over and die when it comes to actual packet crunching.
Your best bet is either a low power/multi NIC real computer(Soekris was the go-to back when I was looking, not sure what the state of the market is now) or a used low-end-of-enterprise device or a new item of the same family aimed at the ‘branch office’ use case. I’ve heard good things about Ubiquiti’s “Edgerouter” line, though I haven’t had time to really play with mine yet, so that is secondhand.
Basically, if the ‘router’ and the ‘access point’ are in the same plastic box, it’s probably not going to be able to take it. Get a real router and add APs separately(you can get POE units with SNMP and some vague gestures toward manageability surprisingly cheaply from time to time; or you can run home ‘routers’ as dumb APs, either way.
