I absolutely loathed PE. Can’t run at any reasonable speed, get tired too fast, larger-scale coordination nothing to speak of. (Or, if you want a neurosurgery or handling 0204 sized parts, ask me with confidence; but my dancing will suck.)
Went so far that I had to get a doc note to take me out of the class, as the teacher insisted that I have to pass the tests or I will get failed, which would mean getting kicked out of a selective school.
I understand that. Works for some workshop techniques.
But for social things, the instinct that should be there, the feelings triggered by observation, aren’t there. I get one big blank.
The alternative, trying to track the variables I can see and interpret, overtaxes me quickly. And the growing uncertainties in the evaluations bring anxiety. Lots of it.
Mostly there is no feedback loop to talk of. To feedback, the other party has to tell me more explicitly than just making faces or voice tones; I’ll get lost in those very soon. I am not getting the explicit data, with a very small amount of exceptions in life.
You wouldn’t? Social rejection shares processing circuitry with physical pain. It really hurts rather badly, and getting worse with every subsequent one. Failing the feedbacked comm leads to guess what. Succeeding is improbable, without help from the other side which is not happening. An attempt is exhausting and promises mostly just pain. Hard to not give up. And hard to not being bitter when those for whom it is not exhausting, who read and interpret and then react on instinctive level and therefore actually have feedback to work with, keep eating my lunch.
I need readable feedback. Without it, no dice, no chance, better not waste the energy and avoid getting hurt yet again.
Oh well…
