The conditions generally don’t happen. Usually they lose interest soon. In non-one-to-one communication, in a group many-to-many one, I tend to end up on the side of the transaction diagram. Or, more rarely, it goes well that way but then the discussion turns highly technical and the group is always all-male, at least so far; which is sort of useless to get affection but at least tends to be interesting. And sometimes I accidentally manage to corner a prof or a seasoned PhD in their own field (oops).
Like chess. Predicting possibilities but adjusting to data as they come, pruning the decision tree, assigning guesstimated probabilities if I can not see for certain… lots of effort. LOTS of effort.
Definitely. Hard to find somebody who’d last, when there are so many other socializing competitors that are easier.
I remember what I talked about and where but not with whom. Rarely I recognize somebody I met earlier. Kind of troublesome for maintaining the state machines for multisession use. (“I don’t recognize you. Where did we met and what did we talk about?”)
They usually walk away soon. Others are easier to communicate with. Expected behavior, to be braced for.
Especially difficult when she keeps coming to either consult what to do or complain what he does or talk about how she worries he leaves. While you are trying to get closer yourself. Hurts as hell, got me to antidepressants after I had a minor breakdown induced by this, and I had to say in no uncertain terms I cannot handle this and I don’t want to know.
That’s why I wonder about the scoring metrics.
I think it is a fairly generic concept. But mostly used in this context. But you’re right here, and it can have lots of flavors.
Had to learn that the hard way. Blessed be Xanax.
Had to give up hope. An unexpected outlier still can happen but you won’t be cutting yourself on shards of broken hopes all the time.
When she gives all the attention to a laptop or phone screen and you are just next and get none at all for prolonged periods, it happens. A SSRI antidepressant takes the edge off quite well, though.
Stuff like that happens.
Another common confusing miscommunication.
Saw some cases. Enough to know they exist. But the supply/demand ratio is not favorable, and if you add the issues with having to talk with an engineer it is a further selector.
A friend tried to get me befriended with one hopeful such one. Looked nice, but long story short we got drinking in the office, the next thing I know she fucks him in the bathroom, I finish the bottle instead and cry myself to sleep, and then she didn’t show up anymore. Such memories aren’t exactly confidence-producing and painless.
On one side, yes. On the other, you then get to see how she gets boyfriended, engaged, married… and you end up with another scar on your heart, hopefully not too deep, and another wedding card in your collection… and see her once per blue moon if ever as families eat people.
Once in my whole life I felt loved and wanted… out of blue sky, outside of all predictions, sort of mediated by another friend. The closeness, the casual touches, her warm hands… her arms around my neck, her green eyes… precious few days spent together in Ireland, then I had to leave back home, to return again in few weeks. Shortly later the electronic communication shown timing characteristics that were unfavorable and the day I went over I got a sms on the way to the airport that she lost the feelings for me. That was almost 8 years ago and I can’t seem to forget appreciably; time doesn’t heal that well. Long rest of story short, telemetry aka gossips told me she later did the same to a few more guys, then returned to her country, went to another, met a guy from Africa and married him and moved there. I got the wedding photos sent; while in a way it was nice, Later I got a photo of their child. it was also painful as hell sharpened to a point, attached to a lego brick and stepped on. I know I should be happy for them. In a way I perhaps am but the pain obscures the details.
More memories… less intense, all unrequited, I did my best and failed anyway. Most long-distance. I learned a lot of GIS systems, by dreaming about the places and looking for data. Of people-tracking and network forensics, at level high enough to consult for a university project at Florida later. Before the age of street view, learned interpreting crude satellite imagery from US field manuals. All at the end useless.
Don’t want more pain. Don’t want to handle it anymore… want to hold a physics package of a fission device and burn my heart in an x-ray fire of a star core…
Afraid of more pain… panic-inducing afraid of being hurt yet again…
Okay, sleep now. The fucking charger will wait. The IGBT driver chip is replaced, the transistor is tested okay, the waveforms for the gate are within specs, hope the edge ringing doesn’t matter. The PFC is not tested as I don’t exactly understand it, will just run it on full power and see; it was not the part that failed anyway so should work. The cap bank has almost a kilojoule on almost a kilovolt; one bad touch and I am gone. Maybe won’t be such a loss… But a discharging jig goes there anyway…
Fuck memories… shouldn’t go there…
