Come to think of it, this draft press release that fell through a time warp from several years in the future may have some bearing:
We at the Los Angeles Police Department have long considered every vehicle on Los Angeles’s roads to be “part of an ongoing criminal investigation.” But, after due consideration, we have determined that this is not enough.
Therefore, at our request, a circuit court judge has today issued a warrant for arrest as a material witness for all 5,387,291 citizens of the city of Los Angeles.
Due to space constraints at the city jail, most of those affected will be taken to special material witness detainment camps outside the city, specially built for this purpose. Expedited bail proceedings will be available for those persons whose quick release is deemed vital to the functioning of the government or economy of Los Angeles or neighboring municipalities. Other persons may be held without bail.
Please turn to local media for the location of your neighborhood collection point, and then report there as soon as possible. SWAT teams are presently preparing to collect any stragglers.
While this course of action may seem “extreme,” or “literally impossible in a democratic society,” or even “illegal,” we would like to remind all concerned citizens that this operation is based on well-established legal precedent. If we can consider every vehicle in Los Angeles to be part of an ongoing criminal investigation, how then can we be constrained from considering every person in Los Angeles to be part of an ongoing criminal investigation? And, given the near-certain flight risk, it would therefore be irresponsible not to issue material witness warrants!
While some malcontents may seek to interfere with the course of justice, we expect most Angelinos to help us make the city a better place. Or else.
(Oh, sorry, not “press release from the future,” but “satire on flawed legal reasoning.” I always get those two mixed up. But my point stands!)
