Iris be awesome. 
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Trust in god, but tie up your camel fill in your potholes first
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Problem solved!
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We can bless their hearts.
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That is awesome! Thank You!
My grandmother was from MS. She didn’t say it often, but when blessing their hearts didn’t quite go far enough, she would “bless their pointy little heads”.
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May I recommend the “Fuck Today” thread to you, for that? Because eff that!
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You pray for the hungry. Then you feed them. That’s how prayer works.
Pope Francis
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Also pretty common that the priestly folks get the spoils. “In order to appease the gods, you must come over and make me a chicken dinner - er, I mean, come to the temple and sacrifice a chicken for the gods.”
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That sounds unsanitary.
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Wait, how does it work? What’s the point? Honestly.
Also:
“Of course we won’t send back the child rapists to stand trial. Who do you think we are? The self-proclaimed authority on absolute morality?” --Every pope, including Francis.
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In other words, until he stops actively and effectively shielding child rapists from all consequences for their actions and all justice, fuck the motherfucking pope.
For those who don’t understand the reference, covering something/someone with Jesus’ blood is an expression used by some Evangelicals to say that it’s protected from harm. I hadn’t heard it used with reference to food before though - we generally just gave a short prayer of thanks.
The first time someone asked me if I was “washed in the blood of the lamb” I had NO idea what was going on. I wondered what kind of bullshit little town I had moved to, because I was pretty freaked out.
I might have offended the person, because I don’t think my reaction was kind. Someone explained it to me, so I have a more civilized reaction these days. (“No, but I appreciate your kindness” and then I extricate myself, because I don’t enjoy arguments.)
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Ah, Charismatic/Pentacostal Protestants. Surprisingly enthusiastic about what is, AFAIK, a Baptist hymn. 
(I know there’s not a 1:1 correlation but it kind of all feeds back to that particular hymn one way or the other.)
I’d like to say if anyone asked me that question I’d tell 'em “I was but I’ve had a few showers since then and I’m ok now. Have you heard about our goddess, Eris?”
Instead, I follow my heart and I’m nice to most folks proselytizing. Although if someone knocks on my door at 9AM on a Saturday, they’re not going to get a very long response.
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Anyone knocks on my door uninvited at 9am on a Saturday morning, they are going to get completely ignored.
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I was expecting a package.
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Ah, I see.
In that case, claiming to be a satanist usually makes them very anxious to be on their way.
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I sometimes wish to have a big pentagram to have hanging over the fireplace when the Jehovah’s Witness people knock. (maybe a big old Dobb’s head just to make them really confused)
The Mormon’s so far have been actually pretty cool with both coming by at a good hour and happily taking a no thanks have a good day.
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My former roommates used to love it when the LDS missionaries came by. My ex-roomies were themselves charismatic protestants but just looooved to argue on matters of doctrine. As I understand it, the missionaries were good sports about it but after a few times of that, they give my house a wide berth.
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