If white people get defensive, the expectation is to respect that defensiveness, and find ways to achieve goals without triggering them. Put solutions to privilege on hold until everyone’s comfortable.
-But-
If other people get frustrated, they should get over their frustration so as not to appear “hostile” or threatening. Put solutions to privilege on hold until the people pointing out the problem find a way to be more polite, or are able to not display “awkward” feelings of disappointment in other people (however understandable).