screw that, these stupid keys have nothing on my new smartkeys product. Smartkeys are a revolutionary new technology that don’t just do the old boring opening doors by turning the key trick, but they also track 22 different biometric signatures amd 6 location signatures when you open the door.
These signatures are continually uploaded to your personal account on smartkeys.xyz ( we’re looking for an Alphabet acquisition) where you can connect automatic data analyzers and agents to the metrics so as to react to such things as - stimulation provoked by turning keys at particular locations and dates, weak key turning action indicating possible hesitancy about going in the door, and so forth.
These metrics, tools, and security additions to the Smartkey allow you to do set up safeguards in the case of unfortunate circumstances like mob kidnappings so that by turning the key in a special way you can actually shut down the keys ability to open that lock!
Remember our motto: Stop turning keys stupid, and start turning keys smart with the smartkey!
