My wife and I have worked really hard to stop making excuses when our 3yo daughter doesn’t want to talk to people she doesn’t know well. I’ve tried to cut the words “Sorry, she’s shy” completely out of my lexicon. Being a parent has opened my eyes to how much people have an expectation that children are going to brighten their day and give them a smile and validation regardless of how the child might be experiencing the world. Strangers or acquaintances saying hello to her, then looking up at us and saying “she’s shy huh” with some level or other of judgment or disappointment has started to grate on me in the same way that assholes tell women to smile on street.
Our daughter is a wild thing, bright and expressive, hilarious and imaginative…with people she knows, trusts and likes (and her figurines and stuffed animals.) I’m a naturally gregarious and people-pleasing, but my wife is careful and no-nonsense, and it took me a while to understand and respect her way of approaching the world. But once I did, I realized I was ignoring a lot of bullshit. The world is not always a nice or friendly place. There’s no reason why people should expect children to naturally assume it is.
