This one might only be funny if you’ve worked in food service, but:
How many line cooks does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. 1 to change the lightbulb and the other 2 to stand around and talk about how they used to change lightbulbs at their last job.
"Stepladder? Huh, we used to use a chair… "
Chair? Just grab a couple of milk crates!
“Hold still while I stand on your shoulders.”
So I picked up a hitchhiker this afternoon.
He asked: “How do you know I’m not a serial killer?”
I replied: “The chances of two serial killers in one car? Astronomical.”
Q: Why do cowboy hats turn up at the sides?
A: So they can ride three in the front of a pickup truck.
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: If it had four it would be a chicken sedan.
My wife left me for another man.
All that lies ahead now is a miserable, pointless, lonely life.
And while he’s going through that, I’ll be down the pub with my mates dog every night.
(Edited for a semblance of reality)
What do you call a Nazi with green eyes?
A fucking Nazi.
What do you call a Nazi who has a cat?
A fucking Nazi.
What do you call a Nazi wearing an eyepatch?
A fucking Nazi.
What do you call a Nazi having sex?
Gross! Who the fuck would ever want to fuck a Nazi?
It used to cost 20p to use the compressed air at the garage, now it costs a pound.
That’s inflation for you.
Geez, I hope the supplies of Slim Jims don’t run out.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
A chicken has no concept of a road. From the perspective of the chicken, it has merely walked forward. Although the chicken would likely notice the changes in terrain, the idea that it has “crossed” something requires a perspective that the chicken lacks.
I call this “Dadaist Humor.” It’s not supposed to be funny. The intent is to bemuse rather than amuse.
No, I am not fun at parties.
