The self-awareness and drive to not bury those painful emotions under booze, drugs, unfulfilling sex, anger or violence is the key. That you’re aware of (and pained by) hurting loved ones is how the cycle is broken. We may not be everything we aspire to, but the distance between what we came from and what we are now is much greater than what we are and what we aspire to, I’m sure.
I obviously didn’t know your father, but if he’s anything like my uncle, that in itself is massive. My uncle’s son was gay and mostly estranged for most of the late 80’s to 90’s (he would still show up to occasional holidays, but I never saw him in the same room as his father, an evangelical pastor). Unfortunately, that was just before AIDS awareness and therapies were developed, so he contracted HIV, withered slowly without his family and died a young man. At his funeral three of his friends, and I assume possible partners, showed up to our rural farmstead graveyard to pay their respects (bedazzled cowboy boots and all!). I was astonished that my fire-and-brimstone uncle not only approached them, but gave them all hugs in turn and spent a moment grieving with them. It was both beautiful and gut-wrenching and all I could think of was how much more time they could have had if he’d done that sooner. We love you and miss you, Greg. 
Whew, that was a lot of memory. I’m really happy for where you’re at now and, again, thanks for sharing. A lot of BBSers share your pain and…
