Holy Roller Huckster: “God as my witness, I never use the Lord’s money on anything that only serves myself!”
God: “Da’fuq he just say? Oh, Me, just you wait until you die of natural causes in 40 more years… Back to my nap.”
(scene: at the pearly gates, 40 years later)
Holy Roller Huckster: “No, see, the five personal jets were so that I could get to my flock as fast as possible, all around the world, while also being close to God so I could hear what He wanted better. It’s a legit expense!”
St. Peter: stares blankly before responding “And the seven mansions all around the world?”
Holy Roller Huckster: “You can’t expect me to leave a private jet and stay at Motel 6. Surely?”
St. Peter: stares blankly before responding “The hookers?”
Holy Roller Huckster: “I was working to turn them from their wicked ways!”
St. Peter: “From what we saw, you were working to turn them into pretzels.”
