The booklet; ‘Dos and Don’ts for Swimmers in Shark Infested Waters’.
Are you ready for the first do? ‘Get out of the water as soon as
possible.’ Can you imagine a guy having the moxie to type that out?
Get out of the water! Oh, I’m glad you thought of that doctor, jeez,
I’ve been philosophizing with those sharks.’
-Lenny Bruce
You know what they say you’re supposed to do if you’re being attacked by a shark? You’re supposed to punch him in the face. Yeah, and when that doesn’t work you poke him in the eye with your bloody stump. And what if the shark wasn’t going to attack you in the first place? What if he was just curious and you punch him? ‘What’d you do that for?’ ‘I thought you were going to attack me.’ ‘Well I wasn’t, but I have to now. The other sharks are watching and it doesn’t look good.’
-Robert Schimmel
The only thing that makes me happier than the fact that the chances of being killed by a shark are so ridiculously small is the fact that shark attacks are such a comedy gold mine.
