The worst thing for me is that identifying the cause doesn’t help in any way, even though the rational part of my mind knows that lack of sleep is not healthy and eventually kills people, directly or indirectly. But the undeniable fact is that there’s no way to avoid sleep, just as there’s no way to avoid death. If it weren’t for dreams it would be like a mini-death, every night/day/whenever you sleep.
Also I sleep better with a constant low level of light and sound. I hate nothing more than sleeping in a silent, dark room. It reminds me of a tomb and it freaks me out to hear my own heartbeat (now that seems illogical, it should be reassuring, no? Or maybe it’s because it’s a reminder of mortality.) Like anyone, I dream frequently and have the occasional nightmare, but I wouldn’t say nightmares are the cause of my messed up sleeping patterns/attitude. I have had some frightening experiences in my life, and it’s not often my nightmares come close to those.
I suppose it also doesn’t help that I once lived with someone who thought it was fun to startle me from a deep sleep by deliberately dropping objects (chosen specifically for their clattering, resonant qualities) on the floor right next to me. Another time I lived with a borderline psychotic who would often wake me in the middle of the night for a deep and disturbing drug-induced chat about the universe - and just recently another person freaked me out by going to bed and leaving an unlit gas hob turned on (just as well someone else had the good sense to refrain from turning any lights on once the smell became so intense that it could be detected even through a shut bedroom door). So yes. As if I didn’t have enough problems sleeping, now I have anxiety about what happens while I’m asleep too.
Sometimes I envy the religious and the superstitious. I overthink everything and I’m usually so logical I scare myself on a regular basis. It reminds me of The Matrix and the red pill/blue pill choice. I’d always take the red pill, but I’d always wish for the blissful ignorance of the blue pill.
