Voice assistants suck (empirically)

Closely related: my last name is a homophone for an everyday object. My Dad’s name is… let’s say, “Bob A. Magnet,” and until recently, any time I told Siri to call him, here was the conversation:

“Hey Siri. Call my dad.”
“Calling Bob, a magnet.”

However, recently, Siri has been getting a little personal. Instead, she says, “Calling Bob, a” (where the “a” sound is “uh” instead of “ay.”) It’s just plain weird. And don’t get me started on convincing her to change pronunciations on anyone’s names.

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‘I think you said “what’s the temperature of your anus”…’


This. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to do something with Siri while driving only to have it tell me it can’t do that or that I need to look at my phone to finish whatever it is I asked it to do. It’s so goddamn irritating.

And that’s the real problem with so many voice/hands free systems. The cognitive load for using them is so high that it ends up being really dangerous.


Might I suggest that you may not be hanging out with enough grade school children? From what I hear from my son (who, being in grade school hangs out with others routinely), they love asking alexa/google stuff all the time They also enjoy changing the music every song and trying to make the digital assistant sound stupid. Good times.

You realize that it’s listening to you alll night, right?

And sending text transcriptions back home of anything interesting, to be added to your advertising profile to be sold later?

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You mean, once I am properly trained I will be a true believer?

Sounds nothing like a cult.


I regularly go in and delete my voice history and my ad’s are set to non-personalized.




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That’s not stopping google from keeping your info anyways, and selling it to advertisers to advertise to you elsewhere.

Read your EULA/TOS, bro. I’m serious.

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