When I started studying learning theory and education I learned that you should be prepared to wait 11 seconds after asking a question. It works, but you’re right, it is a looong time for silence.
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I had to do a software demo where one of the customers would do that, after asking a question. BP was up like 10 points after that.
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wait 10 seconds before responding to what the other person says.
It also requires the other person to chill out for a moment
It also gives the other person more space to fill - to keep on going.
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Roger STAT!
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I had a boss that did this on the regular when she had to deal w/ difficult people. Worked really well. I’ve tried for a LONG time to emulate, but damn is it hard to retrain the brain.
Edit: the more I think back, the more I realize that it wasn’t just waiting to respond. It was also her mannerisms, body posture, etc. that stole the wind out of anyone that tried to excite a situation. Very cool to see.
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It could also come off as passive aggressive. They might think that they are being deliberately ignored.
@theophrastus, I learned almost 40 years ago, “When you’ve already made the sale, SHUT UP!” If you’ve properly led your client, coworker or whoever you’re trying to convince, all you need to do is let their brain process your trail of breadcrumbs.
Tucker Carlson is an expert at “the gape mouthed look of befuddled consternation”.
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This is a technique I’ve used for a long time. While I may not wait 10 seconds, I always wait at least 2 or 3 when I’m having questions thrown at me - usually by an unreasonable manager. I have found a lot of managers in the IT industry love to angrily barrage you with questions in the hope that you make a mistake and answer the way they want you to - usually in order to take responsibility for something that is actually their fault.
And the best thing is if they also use the same technique, with both of you doing it, it make the whole conversation go off the rails. One of parties has to stop with the wait to answer technique in order for the conversation to get back on trrack, all you to do is make sure that it isn’t you.
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The response in my house after about six seconds would be:
“…and now you give me the silent treatment. Asshole.”
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Reminds of something I just saw. I’ve just started rewatching Scrubs and there is a scene where Dr Cox starts counting to 10 and Elliot interrupts him and he says, “It’s really important you let me get to 10.”
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