Consent in Gaming: a guide for GMs and players to difficult subjects for amazing games

Because as a DM it’s important to keep the group engaged? If everybody has to check out while one or two of your players go on a lengthy course of sexual self discovery that’s a failure as a DM.

Why do you keep assuming it’s lengthy?


Why is it any different from a character that wants to narrate how he wants to kill someone for ten minutes, boring the other players?


Because that’s exactly what the consent form was asking. “Fade to black” as you’d expect vs. “explicit”.

There is alot of room between those.

You can discuss stuff with out endless detail.

That’s how gaming works.


Oh, I’ve been in gaming groups where this happens. Someone wants to go out for a hunt or something else that splits the party and it sucks. If you have an indulgent DM that allows it to happen the group will generally break up pretty quickly.

Also, why are you against having this stuff on the form, if it’s the stuff that makes you uncomfortable?

I feel like having it on the form is literally for people like you to make the kind of objection you’re making here. It’s a chance for people like you to say you’re not into it, and the rest of the group to decide if you’re being a nit.


Maybe the form should include:

Split the group. [Y] [M] [N]

This is absolutely true.

It’s very annoying.

I’ve been gaming with some of my friends for over 20

I avoid gaming with insufferable and self indulgent spot light hogs, and yet I’ve been in games with adult subject matter.

One does not equate the other.


“I wish to initiate intimacy with Lothirel.”
“It’s a 1. It’s already over.”


So your table always has the full group together for every single scene? That seems weird.


Are you running @nytespryte’s gaming group? Then why do you care? If you have no interest in such thing in your group, that’s great. Don’t have it. But I’m unsure why you think what you and your group enjoys would be the same for all other groups. Or for that matter, why you feel the need to tell others that they are “doing it wrong” because your group doesn’t play the same way that you do?

Why does he keep assuming it’s any of his business?


Yeah, my favorite game is Mage: The Ascension.

Two very important parts of the game are seekings when you raise Arete, the most important stat in the game. Generally a solo affair that might take a session or two. Sometimes you break it up with other people’s scenes, sometimes you run solo for that player on another day.

The other are quiets which are the repecussions of magic gone wrong, which can range from small temporary physical flaws to complete breaks from reality. And you have to work though them in character. It can really pull attention.

But all my most fantastic and memorable gaming moments have come out of that game. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed sessions where my character took no action.

It’s fun to watch the story. I don’t need to constantly be rolling dice or talking.

In D&D it’s more important not to split the party too much but it still happens alot in good D&D games, we split up on purpose frequently to infiltrate or investigate using out best skills.

The more casual, the more standard the play. Rule one, make sure it’s fun for everyone.


This is sort of a strange question given the subject matter of “how to handle consent in gaming”. @nytespryte is providing an example of a situation in which it works (and by the sound of it, really effectively given the familiarity of the players). I would think that would invite further questions on how and why it works, given that the topic is on how to guide DM’s to being able to provide these topics to others where they have often been poorly handled in most cases. “How do you handle X” is about as on-topic a question as I would expect. :slight_smile:

Thank you for taking the time to educate us on how this works for you and your compatriots!


My thoughts exactly. Some people, even those comfortable in their gaming group, might be uncomfortable openly expressing their distaste for particular things. A standardized form obviates the need to be all, “um, actually, I…” in front of the group. Yeah, it’s probably more a problem for newer groups, as you point out.


I most certainly appreciate @nytespryte’s experiences with her gaming group and sharing that with us. But the original comment was that the “relationship” section of the guide “should not be there” at all. That’s what I’m responding to at length here. Not all groups are going to play the same, so while @jandrese finds that section not useful for his purposes (and that’s entirely fair enough), that doesn’t mean he should ignore the experiences of other players. I’m not sure his questions are trying to figure out how this works as opposed to trying to show why it’s not a good thing, when it’s very much a good thing for nytespryte’s group.


I just read the form. I have a GM who does D&D but will do horror themed games some times, like at Halloween. I have to say, in the one I sat in on (via Discord) there was palatable. tension. Listing your fears would just be ammo to use against you. Mwuahahahaa.


I think a lot of the misunderstanding on why this consent form is needed or not needed comes from the fact that people just don’t get the crazy breadth of games that are possible. Not all TTRPG systems are about combat and dungeon delving. Many get much more freeform, with vastly different goals and themes and elements to them.


I was really surprised by the amount of negative feedback on this from large swaths of the gaming community. It’s not 1981 anymore. While I can understand that DMs might not understand a need to go through this process with the group of 4-5 they’ve been role-playing with for 30+ years, it’s definitely a good tool for new groups.

In the early 90s I played in a group where the DM had our characters doing some things that I personally was really uncomfortable with, but I reasoned it was his game. Years later I realized he was struggling with his own identity, and that was a way for him to explore his feelings. Looking back, I get it, and I am fine with it, but I really didn’t enjoy some aspects of the sessions. I stuck with it because we were friends, and because it was just what our group of guys did on our days off - play D&D. I WISH there had been a consent form back then.

I’ve recently wanted to get back into regular play, and it turns out that means being the DM, because there are tons of folks who want to play, few willing to run games. Because I’ll basically be running public games with groups of (possibly) strangers, it seems like a REALLY GOOD IDEA to establish some ground rules for behavior so that everyone has a good time.

I’m glad this is out there.


Then they are a bad GM and not a great person if they will take a list of things you explicitly have said you do not consent to and use them against you in a game. If you consent to spooky and scary, fine. But to use “I don’t want” as your source material against someone is both wrong and cruel.