I’ve been there. In different contexts and arenas but I’ve been there. I’ve also done/am doing the PTSD thing, which is no picnic. This is my life, and I live it as best as I can. I don’t think it’s helpful to cast people’s remarks (however clueless) in the harshest possible light (especially when they walk them back or equivocate), and I don’t think it’s helpful to ask people in the world to stop whatever normally innocuous actions they’re undertaking as they move through the world and live their (very real) lives with all of their (very real) struggles. I can’t predict in my day-to-day what will trigger my PTSD. Taking a lit class where certain descriptions of violence appear in print and are analyzed might do it. Having someone drop something loudly, or yell to a friend across the street might do it. Fortunately, it’s hit-or-miss, but it’s no fun to get a hit and to have it take an hour to come down. But it’s hit-or-miss, not invariable; and it’s an hour and not a whole day, because I’ve worked on it- not because I hide from it. Clinically speaking, and I base this on having been in treatment, and having researched this for my own personal benefit- managed exposure and recovery strategies are what is recommended by the vast majority of professionals who specialize in anxiety, phobias, and other trigger-related illnesses. Fundamentally, I can’t in good faith propose the best approach for your life, but I do wonder about the avoidance approach in general, since I’ve known enough people who are undertaking it to have some idea of its consequences.
Meanwhile asking people to not do certain things is asking them to do things for me. I can’t sit in a lit class and have people not describe violence in literature. I certainly can’t ask someone to only disagree with my analysis in a way that I can personally withstand. On another note, I honestly get antsy and anxious when I am involved in even minor confrontations. Some days, it’s a lot of work. On those days, I procrastinate looking at Facebook if I’ve just posted something provocative, and I avoid coming to BoingBoing when I know someone has disagreed with me. It feels like a lot to take, because confrontation is always a high-stress activity for me. It’s work because there is real psychic pain there, but if I dwell on it, focus on it- then it’s a lot worse. So in the end I always come back to it.
Meanwhile it’s not abstract that other people have a right to move within and without the world in way that isn’t targeted at abusing others. If someone does something to trigger me that they did not intend, I can’t hold them responsible. If they continue, then they’re assholes, but even there, there’s a limit. Telling a bricklayer that dropping bricks is triggering would be pointless and foolish. The same goes for public discourse. People will say things that are problematic and hurtful just as a function of having a certain position. Banishing them from a particular conversation achieves what aim, exactly? There are people who genuinely want the adversity present to fight against it, to argue against it. The people who hold various problematic beliefs don’t go away when banished. I think that this forum does a very good job of allowing civil discussion. But, I think what we get with what you appear (maybe I’m missing something here) to be proposing is not a discussion at all. It’s just an echo-chamber. I’ve also been in enough “safe-spaces” to know that it’s often just a synonym for “circle-jerk” or “lounge where nothing of import gets discussed.” I don’t visit those spaces anymore because they’re tremendously and ironically unsafe.
I’ve seen one person with a chip on their shoulder shut down discussions in the name of maintaining a safe-space, discussions that were helpful to participants who were personally affected by the subject matter. Other times, I’ve seen the discussion diverted from fruitful discourse in the name of “not silencing” a certain group, ironically silencing a different group. These spaces breed insecurity, anxiety, and nurture a form of weakness and trepidation about encountering the world at large. There’s no value in it.
