Have your tweets inscribed as cuneiform tablets

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I could swear I’d seen something about this recently…

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If you read the fine print, they are not actually translating your text into Sumerian or ancient Persian, despite the claim. They are instead phonetically transcribing it into the cuneiform alphabet, with no actual translation involved.

I am quite disappointed, and will in no way purchase the product. Having my tweet actually translated into ancient Sumerian would have been awesome, and worth twice what they are charging. Merely transliterating it feels fake and cheap.


Ah, the venerable Your Name in Japanese Tattoo Technique. Ever the mark of canny sophistication and worldliness.

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They might not be as interested in doing the mucking about with clay; but if you really want a tweet translated into a cuneiform-suitable language; try tracking down somebody doing a Near Eastern Languages and Civilizations concentration at UChicago. Despite its now-kinda-awkwardly-retro name, the ‘Oriental Institute’ and the people surrounding it are probably your best bet(at least domestically, and the past couple of decades have not been kind to the poor bastards trying to study near eastern languages and civilizations in the near east); and if you can find a student, they might be amenable to doing it for amusement and beer money.

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Also applicable to ‘translating’ your name into “hieroglyphics”(period of Egyptian history left unspecified; because it’s not as though the language changed at all from the earliest extant texts until right when the Ptolemaic dynasties showed up, right?)

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Weren’t the phonetic heiroglyphics absent vowels? I did once transliterate my last name into cuneiform and make a name-plate for my father’s desk… As it turns out 30 is NOT too old to be making xmas presents out of Sculpy…

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