Hollywood sex scandal predators go unnamed and unashamed in this week’s tabloids

Hmm, are they still flogging that story or are you a time traveller from 11th October?!!?!

Obviously, it’s the latter.

Read all about how secret alien time travellers are having Elvis’s baby in order to help O J Simpson cure cancer in next week’s Enquirer!

Or you can do it now if you are one of the secret alien time travellers - in which case: Mazel tov!