It's too late to do anything about sudden oak death, which has already killed 1,000,000 trees


#1

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#2

It has been unstoppable since around 2002? I certainly hope no one has been wasting their time trying to do anything about it for the last decade.


#3

Never mind your goddamn carbon - what the fuck are we going to age scotch in???


#4

/scratches fingernails on chalkboard to get everyone’s attention

Y’all know me. Know how I earn a livin’. I’ll catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad mold. Not like going down the forest chasin’ mushrooms and yeasts. This mold, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your tourists, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief. I’ll find it for three, but I’ll catch it, and kill it, for ten. But you’ve gotta make up your minds. If you want to stay alive, then ante up. If you want to play it cheap, be on welfare the whole winter. I don’t want no volunteers, I don’t want no mates, there’s just too many captains on this island. $10,000 for me by myself. For that you get the Spitzenkörper, the septum, the whole damn thing.


#5

The Eel River watershed is one of the most beautiful places I have known. This makes me very sad.


#6

Har har har, they said. Egghead scientists want a million dollars to study mold on trees, they said.


#7

Mold? Like in the toilet?


#8

This is pretty common here in Southern Ontario where various insects and blights have impacted or completely destroyed the dutch elm (mold), the eastern spruce (budworm), white birch (caterpillars) and more recently the white ash (beetles). But there’s still hope that forests will adjust:


#9

Typo. “NSC Raleigh” s/b “NCSU Raleigh”, but nobody ever says that. “NCSU” would cover it.


#10

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