Let's Solve This Shit!


#1

The objective is simple: Solve as many complex and/or pressing problems as possible with as simple a solution as possible. The best answers will solve specific problems, don’t just say, “Make everything better.”

For example: “Donald Trump was never born, problems solved,” is less preferable than, “Let’s mail small gloves to the White House until Trump ragequits, leading to a Pence presidency that spends so much time trying to fix all the horrendous clusterfuckery of a ragequit and figuring out what to do with all those gloves that the Republicans lose the midterms and then the presidency.”

Feel free to glide over the difficult details, Malcolm Gladwell style.


#2

Brute force is always the simplest solution, and if brute force doesn’t solve your problem, you’re not using enough.

For instance: Let’s say you’re locked out of your house. Bang! Kick the door down, being locked out is no longer a problem.

But, what if the door is now damaged, and drafts and/or criminals are able to get in? Bang! Knock down the house. Drafts and criminals are no longer a problem.

But, you say, now I’m homeless and alone in an uncaring world! Bang! Destroy the world, and an uncaring world is no longer a problem.

But now the solar system is unbalanced due to the change in Earth’s orbit! Bang! Annihilate the solar system altogether.

…And so on.

Eventually, you reach a point where there’s no more universe, and that must have solved your problem, because with no universe, there’s nothing to exist to have a problem. The only possible problem is that there isn’t a universe, and that can be solved, once more, with brute force and one more big bang.


#3

Why don’t you just get it all over with and destroy the universe? It would save some time.

My shoe’s untied. BOOM! Kick the universe down, your shoe is no longer a problem.


#4

People need to move out of the cities. It solves the dual problems of dramatically increasing rent and dramatically stupid voting.


#5

That’s ridiculous.

How are you supposed to kick the universe down if your shoe isn’t on securely?


#6

I’m sorry. You’re right. I haven’t had my coffee yet.


#7

Wow. The game had only just started and it’s already over.


#8

We won!


#9

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