Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/09/17/modern-web-design-best-practic.html
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#include 900 megabytes of javascript and css
We used to be able to develop a GUI in 1000 lines of code…
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Also, hide your opening hours somewhere deep. Inside a downloadable Microsoft Word document. And lie about being open on holidays.
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Obligatory and relevant xkcd https://xkcd.com/869/
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This is required for restaurant Web sites, along with putting the menu in one (or more) huge PDFs – prices optional!
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I have shared this brilliant satire post with friends at some of the companies about whom this article makes fun. Maybe something good will become of it.
Now, this is forcing me to reconsider design decision on my personal website, though I don’t believe I have subjected my blog readers to any afore mentioned faux pas. But wow, I should go with static-compiled pages as I did in the past to help reduce the page weight.
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“Already a web developer? Buy the C programming language book here and get out while you still can.”
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The posts links to the original article on medium. When I access it on a phone, it prompts me to install the app.
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Shameful! This so-called web developer forgot the most fundamental aspect of the modern web: collecting e-mail addresses! Where’s the multiple newsletter subscription requests that allows you to send a perfunctory “update” newsletter while harvesting that sweet, sweet contact information? Here’s the definitive guide.
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They forgot “Grab control of the Back button to prevent your users from accidentally leaving your site.”
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I couldn’t read this article because I’m in Europe. Anyone got a mirror? 
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What ! But I just finished my website but I completely forgot to add all those essential design elements !
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Wait, this was satire?
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Reminds me of this image that I keep hanging on my office wall as a warning:
Edit: original URL unknown, please don’t think I stole it form an image aggregator because I didn’t link back to Tom Fishburn’s site
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They forgot the “Sophie’s Choice” ad, where YouTube asks you which of three ads you would like to be unable to skip before seeing the video you were trying to look at
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I did think it was ironic this was posted on Medium. The author sort of acknowledges the irony at the end, but still, he negluct to mention the best practice of covering the start and/or end of pages with floating dickbars, of which Medium is a leading proponent, and which interferes with navigation for both mobile and desktop readers (if you were hoping to use the spacebar to scroll).
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Start audio without prompting.
Always activate “This site wants to send notifications”
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At least 45 seconds after landing on the page, sometimes a few minutes. So that readers who popped off to the washroom or to get a coffee have a surprise to return to.
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Oooh, ooh, my absolute favorite (as a windows phone user, yes there are dozens of us), is when they admonish you to use the app, which they don’t provide for your OS.
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Plot twist: the app is just a webview anyway and no different than just visiting their site in the mobile browser.
Who am I kidding, the app is worse than the web view. It collects every piece of data it can from your phone (which is a lot!) and drains your battery. Plus it will insist on updating itself twice a week and every update is a 400mb download.
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