I am increasingly coming to the conclusion that ‘entrepreneurial/evil’ as an alignment was cut from D&D to preserve its status as escapist fantasy.
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Jesus is really laying into that old lady. I thought he was supposed to be driving out the money changers and merchants, not their poor customers who couldn’t afford any fancier sacrifice than a dove.
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Christ, what…
wait, what?
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These predatory companies also buy their info to send them physical snail mail. Probably from credit card companies because i’m in the process of paying off some high debt that’s accumulated between 3 different credit cards and suddenly early this year i started getting targeted junk mail from several companies wanting to assist me in paying off my debt. It’s so specific that i was instantly weary, i just throw them directly into the dumpster.
I’m currently trying to figure out how i can stop getting the snail mail junk from them.
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Gosh, if only Google had the means to search a company’s name and see if any keywords jumped out from their page.
But, alas, we’ll never have the technology.
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Poor google. Tricked into having a positive veneer of superficial policies while still profiting from bottom-feeding greed.
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My method won’t stop the snail mail, but it does give me some catharsis when I get the same stuff.
Snail Mail Spam:
Step 1: take contents of Spam1 and write whatever your heart desires, wherever your heart desires–I usually start with “DON"T SEND ME THIS SHIT” and go from there. I think it’s best if you don’t align your text with any lines on the sheet, and I prefer to use a large marker.
If that doesn’t pickle my fantasy enough, and especially if the contents don’t fit in the envelope (a standard tactic–the application fits in the smaller envelope, but the larger promo shit doesn’t), scissors, or the power of the hand, is your friend. Tear/cut to fit.
Step 2: Insert pleasantly modified Spam1 contents into return envelope of Spam2 (assuming there is one) and send.
Variations on this theme have included, and are definitely not limited to, filling out ‘applications’ with information obtained from various corporate headquarters, CEO names and such. I enjoy using a return address of 1060 West Addison, Chicago, IL 60614 because it’s lodged firmly in my memory for reasons. I understand the RNC headquarters appreciates any spam you can swing their way as well.
Telephone spam: If it’s a recording, I’ll listen and press the number they want me to press to connect to their ‘sales representative’. Once I get a human, I’ve got the option of giving them bogus info to take up their time until I tire of the game and say “TAKE ME OFF THE LIST”. Between being on the FCC’s Do Not Call registry, and this tactic, my spam calls are down to ~2/month.
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There’s this great old quote from bash.org on how to do this:
[quote]
- Save every Free Credit Card Offer you get, Put it in pile A
- Save every Free Coupon You get, put that in pile B
- Now open the credit card mail from pile A and find the Business Reply Mail Envelope.
- Take the coupons from pile B and stuff them in the envelope you hold in your hand.
- Drop the stuffed to the brim envelopes in your mail and walk away whistling.
I have now received two phone calls from the credit card companies telling me that they received a stuffed envelope with coupons rather then my application. They informed me that it they are not pleased that they footed the bill for the crap I sent them. I reply with “It says Business Reply Mail” I’m suggesting coupons to you to ensure that your business is more successful. They promptly hang up on me.
Now, I did this for about a month before it got boring, so I got an added idea! I added exactly 33 cents worth of pennies to the envelope so they paid EXTRA due to the weight. I got a call informing me about the money, I said it was a mistake and I demanded my change back. After yelling at the clerk and then to the supervisor they agreed to my demands and cut me a check for the money. I hold in my hand at this very moment a check from GTE Visa for exactly 33 cents.[/quote]
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FTW!!! That’s pretty much my Holy Grail. In times of boredom I’ll write letters to companies about how I found this blinking device in their box of corn flakes and who-the-hell-do-they-think-they-are type of stuff. AOL responded, once, to the bill I sent them for having to deal with their ubiquitous CDs–I think I charged them $200-$300 for my time–to which they responded something akin to “yeah, sorry, too bad we’re not gonna pay you”. It’s the original, and to my mind far far better, version of trolling.
EDIT: That said, I’ll never top <a href=http://www.amazon.com/Singular-Man-J-P-Donleavy-ebook/dp/B008TSRYWW/ref=asap_bc?ie=UTF8>this author’s high-water mark:
Oh dear lord thank you for that. Gotta up the game!
Ha. “END OF CORRESPONDENCE”
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Apparently securely taping the reply paid envelope to a brick can result in the company getting a bill for unpaid weight.
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I presume the contents have to fit the return envelope. In which case i recommend filling it with rocks in a baggie.
Or perhaps fill the return envelope with nothing but cut out heads of various Nic Cage heads in various states of expressions. Because reasons.
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Mark Thomas has pointed out that a roof tile will fit nicely into a jiffy bag.
No video this time, it was in his book 100 Acts of Minor Dissent
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Another book for the reading list!
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I think a bag of rocks seems more amusing. A bag of manure might be more-so but one might potentially get in trouble for something like that.
I like idea of sending them Nic Cage pictures too lol.
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I have a very common last name and a fairly common first name, add that to signing up for gmail back in the stone age and I have a "lastnamefirstname@gmail.com" that is, by my count, desired by at least 8 other people with the same name as me.
I have variously been signed up for Spotify, PoF, OkCupid, 2 Instagrams, 2 Twitters, some wedding services in London, and once I received a job offer from a university in Scotland, oh and I get invited to a cottage in Muskoka at least once every summer and asked out on a date every new years eve (one day I’m going to take up those offers!). But one time I received a womans terrible horrible predatory loan documents from an “interest free” loan place in New Zealand. Not only did they send me her loan document, it included all her personal information, tax return, residence/phone, bank account, it also included all that same info of her brother, who was cosigning this very terrible no good loan. After much back and forth with a not very bright loan officer who did not understand that I was not her client, she emailed the documents again, but this time cc’d the actual person, who I then emailed directly and counselled as best I could that they should under no circumstances take this terrible loan. $300. “Interest Free” - 3 years of payments @ $30 a month.
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Christ what a world of assholes!
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